Challenge Accepted (And Colorful Conclusions)

Kal and I had a very good discussion last night about us and our lives and naturally, I broke down and cried and sobbed my way through my misery; he then pointed something out to me. He said that in an effort to try to make my days better, I should start off in the morning thinking about something positive, something I love or am thankful for about that day. I cried some more and said that used to be me. I was the...what did i say?...flower in the snowstorm. I used to see a challenge to overcome in just about everything. What's happened? I've gotten all out of whack. All I do is work and there's no time for myself or my mental, spiritual, or emotional health. I've become a wreck, and it's screwing up my whole life perspective.

I am a fighter. I persevere. I don't give up. I win.

This is simply how I am wired. I need something to conquer again to give myself a feeling of success despite how everything else makes me feel. So, I have accepted the challenge to try and make it happen. It's not going to be easy, but I can't allow life to beat me down and make me feel defeated. Am I on a bit of a high right now? Yes. Will I crash down with a smack that shakes the world? Probably. But I will not lose myself.

Sure, all of this sounds hokey and romantic and fantastical, but it's how my brain operates. So this weekend, I have an extra day on Monday. I am going to do some things to get myself back on track and feeling as close to 100% that I can starting back to school on Tuesday. I will:

1. Begin working out in the morning, after a good night's rest.
2. Spend time in the Word and prayer and hopefully start my bible study for next weekend (if Michalski copied those chapters for me).
3. Plan the next full week of my new Reading Groups.
4. Take some time to catch up with friends and family to strengthen relationships.
5. Get out of the house! Whether this is window shopping or picking out knitting materials, I will leave this enclosure for non-work related purposes, not worrying about the miles it puts on my car or the gas it takes to do so.
6. Walk in early on Tuesday morning, prepared, with a smile on my face and immediately offer a warm greeting to one of the most difficult relationships I have at Leesburg.
7. Keep in mind that I am beginning a new journey in which I may not be in complete control, but I am in control of my attitude from day to day and my responses to trying situations.

This is my recipe for success this weekend. I will begin by walking into Ruby Tuesdays in exactly 45 minutes from now ready to work and make the experiences of our guests more enjoyable because they met me. I will  probably end up putting positive thoughts on index cards and taping them to the mirror in the bathroom as well so I start each day with those things on my mind.

I will also probably end up watching Ohio State with Kal, because I love him and he loves them.

Please be praying for me this weekend that I will be refreshed and rejuvenated and ready to roll in three days time. This stage of life has never been for me since I began, and I don't anticipate that changing. Therefore, all I can do is put on my shoes and run out the door to meet it.

I have been inspired this week, despite my dreary surroundings, by one of the fifth grade teachers. I walk into her classroom and I see myself. It's everything I would want a classroom to be. I've pretty much dropped the theme idea (Though I still love watching my Dr. Seuss collection grow! Those books are useful for everything!) because it's difficult and expensive. This particular teacher's classroom is just vibrant and full of color. Everything is neatly organized and integrated. Her classroom management fits my style, but I don't know if I ever would have found this technique had I not had begin pushing into her classroom to support a student in writing every day. I cannot help but notice many of the characteristics of a great educator which Randy had me read about over Christmas break. I look forward to observing her for the next half of the year. I feel that I will learn a lot from this. As an added bonus, she is very approachable. I feel very comfortable to ask her questions and get insight from her.

Today went smoother than the rest of the week. I spent very little down time in the resource room. I pretty much went straight from one place to the next. I felt better about myself and less like I was being judged. Prof. Cox let me stay in her room when she took her class out at the end for the extra recess they'd earned this week so I wouldn't have to go back to the room to work. I put report cards in students' mail boxes for her and began thinking about next week's reading groups.Today, I just felt like a teacher. I felt like I was doing something for those kids to help make them better. I hope I can carry that mindset into next week as well.

Perhaps I'll take a trip to the library and find another book on education to read. I got an invitation to join ASCD (which I talked to Mom and Dad about a bit), but I don't know if I can spare the extra $40 or so for the year, and I'm not sure how much more that membership will help me than it already is with what I can get for free. Not that I can ever read all they send me in the daily SmartBrief. So to the library it is I guess.

Well, I guess I have a lot to do! And I now only have 25 minutes before I need to be striding through Ruby's front door. So thank you, as always, for your prayers, and I will let you know how all of this goes!