I have a confession. When I was in high school, I was a huge Jonas Brothers fanatic. Like, huge. MySpace was in at the time and I dedicated hours and hours of life every day to creating a webpage in MySpace dedicated completely to the Jonas Brothers. I connected with other fans, I wrote these stories called fanfics, fictional stories, by fans, about their idols. It was ridiculous! Looking back on it, I can't help but feel slightly embarrassed that this was how I spent my life for a year and a half.
On the flip side of that, my unhealthy obsession had it's good points. I learned html. I wasn't a pro, but I was pretty good! I understood what all the basic coding was and how to make links and text boxes for various things of various sizes and place graphics in specific places and link pages and hide pages and have all the posts have their own link so it all linked together! I don't know the specifics of it all, but I knew how to manipulate it. I learned the basics of photo editors, and picked up new information from other fans. My brain absorbed it all.
Unfortunately, for the last five and a half years, I've had no use for it. We've gotten a new computer at home, so I'm sure all my notes and files are long gone. They probably were not deemed worth saving. Now, however, I see the benefits of creating a similar project in Blogger for my classroom. To be able to make announcements and post downloadable pages for homework assignments in case someone lost theirs or something would be magnificent. Plus, it would get me some brownie points for using technology for my classroom. Being at school every other day makes it difficult to keep in step. Taking my classroom to the Word Wide Web seems like a logical solution. Most of my kids have iPhones and what not anyway. They can access the information whenever they'd like. All students have gmail accounts. I could find a way to use that little website for further digital connection. Safely, of course. It would take some research. But I have no doubt that it can be done. Somehow. The problem is that all the knowledge I'd acquired back in high school has taken a bolt for the door as my attention and brain power have been directed towards other things. I don't have a lot of spare time on my hands either. When I try to do some research on the basics of how to work things in Blogger (because, naturally, it's slightly different from a general html page), some of it still makes sense. Like opening and closing commands and so on and so forth, but my brain has so long been used in other capacities, I can feel the struggle to decode the Greek before my eyes.
Oh the frustration! I finally have good use for the knowledge and skill I'd refined on pointless activities and now it's gone! Will it be easier to learn now that I've done it once? Yes. But that doesn't make me feel too much better. I still feel like I'm starting over. I hate that feeling of defeat. I need to find a class or something. Someone to explain it to me and organize the learning process. It's a shame I don't have those notes anymore, at least to get me started again. I guess the only way to do it is to do it. Start a new blog and play around with it until I get the feel for how it works. That's what I did in MySpace. I had no idea what I was doing. None at all. But as I gained popularity through my writings in the Jonas world, I needed a cooler website. So piece by piece, I Googled and asked other MySpacers to make what I made of it. It's a fine project to be sure. It's just useless.
I'm determined to figure it out though. Before next school year starts, I want to have all my stuff together to introduce it. It's just gonna take a lot of work. So what I need is a scrapbook blog. Where it's okay to screw everything up for the sake of learning. Hey, if you've never failed, you've never tried anything new.
…right?
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
So I Need to Get This Off My Chest for a Minute…
I love being a teacher. Have I mentioned that yet? I love being given the opportunity to help develop students' minds and broaden their thinking. I have so much fun creating lessons and materials. I've spent a lot of time re-creating how things are done in 6th grade Social Studies. I've hardly touched the textbook. I use it as the basic skeleton of my overall goal and fill in the pieces with my own research. I add muscle and color and life. To what they dedicate a small handful of pages, a section in a chapter, I give weeks to. How else are students going to have the time to think about the people and events and form their own opinions on issues? I hated the textbook from the beginning. So I tossed it. Four months later, I still don't regret it. It was the best decision for my teaching development.
That being said, I've cut out a lot of work for myself. It's easy to have students read the book and answer some questions on a page I copied from the resource paperback I got with the teacher's edition. It's hard to collect a variety of sources to use in creating your own pages to make your own textbook of sorts that's specifically planned out to stretch student's minds a little bit more each class period to allow them to better see the bigger picture of the world. It takes time and planning and a lot of effort to help students, especially in sixth grade, to draw conclusions and make connections across subject areas and topics. But it must be done. There's no other option. Textbooks, though a wonderful resource for general direction, serve little purpose to me beyond just that. There's so much more to be discovered, and I'd rather spend my time doing activities, group discussions, video responses, teaching how to question and become aware of thinking and the importance of being able to communicate thoughts throughout writing, etc., than flipping through glossy pages with glossy eyes, on the assumption that learning is taking place.
Learning should be exciting and engaging. Students should love coming to class, in anticipation of the new things they'll get to explore. Sadly, this attitude toward education is not encouraged in society, by parents, or, sadly, some teachers. Education is not seen as a luxury and a privilege, rather as a tedious requirement and dull chore. Where I get excited to do and learn something new, many others cringe because it's one more thing on the to do list.
I feel like I have a lot of good ideas that could bring some life to the stale air that is the environment I work in, but I don't feel like anyone really wants to listen to me. They express how they love what I'm doing and that I have a new way to teach in my room, but don't want to try it in theirs. When I try to give ideas, there's always an excuse. There's always a reason why it's too much for them, there has to be an easier way. Well, sometimes the best things don't come easily. Often, really, they take time and effort. As the world around us changes, the way we teach the population of that changing world needs to change too. That seems to make perfect sense to me. Instead, I receive the message of "this is how things have always been done"….it saddens my heart.
All the other teachers are having major behavior problems with a couple of students. They all kind of look to me out of the corner of their eyes as they all complain in team meetings, and I just sit and listen. I don't have any of those problems. Maybe I'm doing something right. But they wouldn't listen to my thoughts anyway. So I don't share them. When I walk into my room, it's my sanctuary. My escape. In that room, I can make the world come alive through my approach to Social Studies. I can gently prod students forward in our quest for deeper knowledge of the world in which we live and the past that molded it. They can waste my prep time with their complaints in team meetings three times a week, but they can never take my teaching.
I was born to do this, so do this I will.
I was never a vocal leader. In college, the volleyball coach tried to turn me into one, but I don't overflow with the right words or phrases. Instead, I just do what I know I need to do. I put 120% into completing the task before me. Rome wasn't built in a day. Troy didn't fall in a day. Veteran teachers don't change their philosophy in a day. I know what I'm doing is working. It's evident by the work I see turned in to me. I actually take the time to read and respond to everything my students write. All 76 of them. Through their written work they'll sometimes ask me a question and I'll take the time to write out a full response. No matter how many questions I get. Isn't that a better use of my time than yelling at kids for forgetting their pencil every day, or griping to another teacher about how Johnny is driving me up a wall?
I have my complaints, don't get me wrong. When a kid stabbed another student with scissors and threw a tantrum when he got in trouble, I was slightly annoyed. But losing pencils? Forgetting homework or books in lockers? That just doesn't seem worth it to me. Sure, my supplies are low and I have little to no classroom money. But I can buy a couple packs of pencils fairly inexpensively to help kids out instead of laying them out flat with my words when they left theirs in Art on the other side of the building.
So I will continue to trudge forward through the thick, wild jungle around me. The literacy coach can't wrap her head around how I've done what I've done or how I'm still going. I just do what I know to do. I learn from my mistakes. I learn from my students. And I keep pressing forward towards what I want, towards what I know to be true. I'm not perfect. If fact, there's many times I feel like a terrible teacher. I stumble and fall a lot. And it usually hurts really bad. I'm a first year teacher. A first year teacher who, because I'm only there every other day, does't get a whole lot of outside support. A teacher who has to work another job to stay afloat. Who falls behind. Who says the wrong thing. Who's organization shatters. I probably make more mistakes that I do progress sometimes. But I get up, brush myself off, and take another step. Grandma says I'm the "perserverer"of the family. I don't always feel like it. And sometimes, I owe it to my competitive nature more than my desire to get up again. Oh, you don't think I can teach, redesign curriculum and instruction, read all my kids' work, grade, plan, organize, turn the classroom inside out, and work 30 hours a week at Ruby Tuesday? Watch me. And they do. With wide eyes.
I have been given a purpose. That purpose is my passion. And that passion is my fuel to drive my forward.
Watch me.
That being said, I've cut out a lot of work for myself. It's easy to have students read the book and answer some questions on a page I copied from the resource paperback I got with the teacher's edition. It's hard to collect a variety of sources to use in creating your own pages to make your own textbook of sorts that's specifically planned out to stretch student's minds a little bit more each class period to allow them to better see the bigger picture of the world. It takes time and planning and a lot of effort to help students, especially in sixth grade, to draw conclusions and make connections across subject areas and topics. But it must be done. There's no other option. Textbooks, though a wonderful resource for general direction, serve little purpose to me beyond just that. There's so much more to be discovered, and I'd rather spend my time doing activities, group discussions, video responses, teaching how to question and become aware of thinking and the importance of being able to communicate thoughts throughout writing, etc., than flipping through glossy pages with glossy eyes, on the assumption that learning is taking place.
Learning should be exciting and engaging. Students should love coming to class, in anticipation of the new things they'll get to explore. Sadly, this attitude toward education is not encouraged in society, by parents, or, sadly, some teachers. Education is not seen as a luxury and a privilege, rather as a tedious requirement and dull chore. Where I get excited to do and learn something new, many others cringe because it's one more thing on the to do list.
I feel like I have a lot of good ideas that could bring some life to the stale air that is the environment I work in, but I don't feel like anyone really wants to listen to me. They express how they love what I'm doing and that I have a new way to teach in my room, but don't want to try it in theirs. When I try to give ideas, there's always an excuse. There's always a reason why it's too much for them, there has to be an easier way. Well, sometimes the best things don't come easily. Often, really, they take time and effort. As the world around us changes, the way we teach the population of that changing world needs to change too. That seems to make perfect sense to me. Instead, I receive the message of "this is how things have always been done"….it saddens my heart.
All the other teachers are having major behavior problems with a couple of students. They all kind of look to me out of the corner of their eyes as they all complain in team meetings, and I just sit and listen. I don't have any of those problems. Maybe I'm doing something right. But they wouldn't listen to my thoughts anyway. So I don't share them. When I walk into my room, it's my sanctuary. My escape. In that room, I can make the world come alive through my approach to Social Studies. I can gently prod students forward in our quest for deeper knowledge of the world in which we live and the past that molded it. They can waste my prep time with their complaints in team meetings three times a week, but they can never take my teaching.
I was born to do this, so do this I will.
I was never a vocal leader. In college, the volleyball coach tried to turn me into one, but I don't overflow with the right words or phrases. Instead, I just do what I know I need to do. I put 120% into completing the task before me. Rome wasn't built in a day. Troy didn't fall in a day. Veteran teachers don't change their philosophy in a day. I know what I'm doing is working. It's evident by the work I see turned in to me. I actually take the time to read and respond to everything my students write. All 76 of them. Through their written work they'll sometimes ask me a question and I'll take the time to write out a full response. No matter how many questions I get. Isn't that a better use of my time than yelling at kids for forgetting their pencil every day, or griping to another teacher about how Johnny is driving me up a wall?
I have my complaints, don't get me wrong. When a kid stabbed another student with scissors and threw a tantrum when he got in trouble, I was slightly annoyed. But losing pencils? Forgetting homework or books in lockers? That just doesn't seem worth it to me. Sure, my supplies are low and I have little to no classroom money. But I can buy a couple packs of pencils fairly inexpensively to help kids out instead of laying them out flat with my words when they left theirs in Art on the other side of the building.
So I will continue to trudge forward through the thick, wild jungle around me. The literacy coach can't wrap her head around how I've done what I've done or how I'm still going. I just do what I know to do. I learn from my mistakes. I learn from my students. And I keep pressing forward towards what I want, towards what I know to be true. I'm not perfect. If fact, there's many times I feel like a terrible teacher. I stumble and fall a lot. And it usually hurts really bad. I'm a first year teacher. A first year teacher who, because I'm only there every other day, does't get a whole lot of outside support. A teacher who has to work another job to stay afloat. Who falls behind. Who says the wrong thing. Who's organization shatters. I probably make more mistakes that I do progress sometimes. But I get up, brush myself off, and take another step. Grandma says I'm the "perserverer"of the family. I don't always feel like it. And sometimes, I owe it to my competitive nature more than my desire to get up again. Oh, you don't think I can teach, redesign curriculum and instruction, read all my kids' work, grade, plan, organize, turn the classroom inside out, and work 30 hours a week at Ruby Tuesday? Watch me. And they do. With wide eyes.
I have been given a purpose. That purpose is my passion. And that passion is my fuel to drive my forward.
Watch me.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
A Short One
Well, I've remedied the template problem for the most part. I scrapped the old new one and found a new new one that doesn't look so out of whack. Does the title blend in and basically serve no purpose whatsoever? Yeah, sure, but life goes on.
I got a new toy on Black Friday. I broke down and bought a MacBook Air. My Dell was taking 20 minutes to start up, and seriously lagging with any task. I couldn't take it anywhere either. It has been a life saver. I can work on all my stuff for school, create all my pages, and take the whole thing with me wherever I need it to go. On the days I work doubles at Ruby Tuesday...no problem! I can pack this slim thing up and hit the road, and as soon as I open it up, it's ready to go. It's seriously like a miracle for me. As an added bonus, the battery runs forever. Well, to me, she who couldn't even jostle her computer or it would shut off, it lasts forever. I'm so pumped. Now I just need to pay it off...
My observation results were good! I scored much higher in some areas than I think I expected to, and I got some pointers on how I can reach for the next level as a teacher. According to the principal, I'm right where I need to be. I'm still doing a lot of crazy things trying to find the right pieces that work for me, my teaching style, and my students. I had one of the sixth grade teachers walk into my room today and gush about how cute everything was and then turn to leave saying "I need to go, this room makes me feel inadequate." Interesting. What would it take to get them to try some new things too? That's part of the reason I'm there right?
Some pieces of teaching are already a drag. Like grading. I hate grading. It just takes forever and I'd rather spend my time furthering my knowledge on a topic and planning lessons. But I know in order to make good lessons, I need to know where my students are in the process so I can teach to them instead of just over their heads. I've been getting pretty lazy with it though. I've been putting it off way too much. I have two rounds of current events to grade now, and I spent the weekend grading all of their pages they've done for their file books on Greece. I have some catching up to do, and prep to do for Thursday...golly, that's tomorrow now I guess isn't it...lots on my plate, as usual. If I could just get these current events out of the way, I might stand a better chance of accomplishing all I need to accomplish. I'm strongly considering canceling the next current event due date (the day right before Christmas Break) as a Christmas present both to the students and to me. I don't want to track down that many more late assignments either. No kid is going to want to do a current event for that day, and not a single one will remember to make it up when break is over if they need to. We'll see. I need to get some lesson plans on Rome laid out to make sure the kid leaving for vacation the week before break will have as much of the stuff as he needs before he leaves as possible...yeah, like that's gonna be easy.
Well, it's freezing in my room, and I work all day tomorrow...today...at Ruby Tuesday. So I'm gonna knock off and see what all I can get prepared to accomplish. I still believe...
I got a new toy on Black Friday. I broke down and bought a MacBook Air. My Dell was taking 20 minutes to start up, and seriously lagging with any task. I couldn't take it anywhere either. It has been a life saver. I can work on all my stuff for school, create all my pages, and take the whole thing with me wherever I need it to go. On the days I work doubles at Ruby Tuesday...no problem! I can pack this slim thing up and hit the road, and as soon as I open it up, it's ready to go. It's seriously like a miracle for me. As an added bonus, the battery runs forever. Well, to me, she who couldn't even jostle her computer or it would shut off, it lasts forever. I'm so pumped. Now I just need to pay it off...
My observation results were good! I scored much higher in some areas than I think I expected to, and I got some pointers on how I can reach for the next level as a teacher. According to the principal, I'm right where I need to be. I'm still doing a lot of crazy things trying to find the right pieces that work for me, my teaching style, and my students. I had one of the sixth grade teachers walk into my room today and gush about how cute everything was and then turn to leave saying "I need to go, this room makes me feel inadequate." Interesting. What would it take to get them to try some new things too? That's part of the reason I'm there right?
Some pieces of teaching are already a drag. Like grading. I hate grading. It just takes forever and I'd rather spend my time furthering my knowledge on a topic and planning lessons. But I know in order to make good lessons, I need to know where my students are in the process so I can teach to them instead of just over their heads. I've been getting pretty lazy with it though. I've been putting it off way too much. I have two rounds of current events to grade now, and I spent the weekend grading all of their pages they've done for their file books on Greece. I have some catching up to do, and prep to do for Thursday...golly, that's tomorrow now I guess isn't it...lots on my plate, as usual. If I could just get these current events out of the way, I might stand a better chance of accomplishing all I need to accomplish. I'm strongly considering canceling the next current event due date (the day right before Christmas Break) as a Christmas present both to the students and to me. I don't want to track down that many more late assignments either. No kid is going to want to do a current event for that day, and not a single one will remember to make it up when break is over if they need to. We'll see. I need to get some lesson plans on Rome laid out to make sure the kid leaving for vacation the week before break will have as much of the stuff as he needs before he leaves as possible...yeah, like that's gonna be easy.
Well, it's freezing in my room, and I work all day tomorrow...today...at Ruby Tuesday. So I'm gonna knock off and see what all I can get prepared to accomplish. I still believe...
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Pre-Observation Jitters and Assignment Avoidance
Dear Mom (since you're the only one who reads this blog),
I hope you like the half changes I made to my blog! I uploaded this super cool template I found online, but then when I try to change the font and the size of the title and all that, nothing happens. So now I just have a giant pile of crap sitting at the top of the page. Oh, I told Google alright. You'd think in their giant empire, there has to be someone who can remedy my problem.
I'm trying not to think about it. I would much rather pretend that it's exactly how I'd like it to look instead of continuing to feel my blood boil at the terrible appearance of something I'm trying to fix up and take pride in. I'm a perfectionist and slightly OCD. And I know this simple, stupid problem is going to drive me up a wall and through the ceiling.
Back in high school, I didn't mind messing with html code as much. With my JoBro obsessions, I memorized all the necessary combinations to make awesome MySpace pages and graphics and so on and do forth. However, it has all reverted back to a bunch of mumbo-jumbo that's "all Greek to me!" I figured that figure of speech was appropriate given my current topic of study with my students. If I could only find the spot in the Blog Title section that had the font...or maybe figure out how to make my own graphic and insert it instead. I would take that too. But I don't have time to re-learn right now. I have to get myself ready for tomorrow, which I am finding myself very unmotivated to do.
I have my first observation tomorrow. I'm kind of freaking out. I feel like I have a good lesson planned, but I can never be sure. She also wants me to type up my lesson plan for her...I DON'T WRITE LESSON PLANS!! All I do is sketch out a general skeleton and "play ball!" I like to go with the feel of the room. I may plan some questions in advance because of my end goal for the day, but other than that....so I have some work to do tonight. But I'm going over to Lauren's tonight with Laura (yeah, you read that right) at 7:30, and Kal plays basketball at 9 (if I can make it over there in time).
I have made several changes to my classroom, though, but I still have so much I would like to do. I just don't feel like doing it at the end of the day when I'm exhausted. Ya know? I feel a little better about what my principal will see when she comes to observe me. I have the standards we've covered written in "I Can" statements, posted on my makeshift bulletin board, I have my Wonder Wall up and running. However, tomorrow will be the first day for the Wonder Wall. I'll pull a couple of questions down from the board and we'll work on answering them together. I'm a little worried about how it'll go since I haven't done it before, and the first time I do it will be in front of the principal during an official observation. Perfect. And it's current event day, so she'll have to bear witness to the embarrassingly terrible turn-in rate for homework assignments. Even better. I just hope the kiddos cooperate and do what I ask of them. If only for tomorrow. I do not want to lose this job.
Well, wish me luck! I have a little under half an hour before I want to head over to Lauren's. I should get that lesson plan down...
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
No Escribo Mucho, Lo Siento.
Well, it's official. I suck at keeping a blog, just like I suck at keeping a journal. Oh well.
I'm almost three months into my first year of "for real" teaching" now. There have been so many great things I wish I would have made note and taken better record of. I made my first impression by stringing up a grid, hovering over students' heads, to teach longitude and latitude. Then we dove in to this awesome unit about Ancient American Civilizations. Having been to the Mayan ruins in Copan, Honduras, I was able to accumulate many pictures and take them on a "tour" of the city, explaining the bulk of Mayan religion to them. We made these awesome interactive notebooks and we had so much fun putting them together! I had a girl tell me yesterday that she loved gluing all the pieces in, but not writing the final letter. Well, too bad. Learning still needs to happen!
So now, they're all working on writing me a letter as if they are from on of the three civilizations, telling me what it's like to be a citizen (or slave, or king/emperor....it's very open really) and comparing and contrasting their civilization to one of the other ones. I have a few of them that have turned in their final letters to me and I'm so excited to get to read them! Some of these kids are so creative. I had to keep reminding them to make sure the stories and descriptions in their letter were based on factual information, that it could have really happened. Historical fiction people!....Hmmmmm, I could really dive into that genre in Social Studies. Why am I just now thinking of this?
I have a to-do list for the basic structure of....my classroom/teaching/learning/walls.
This really makes we wish I would have had the time to do all this stuff before the beginning of the year. I hate that my students this year can't get the best of my ideas from the start. But, better late than never I suppose. I have a lot of work to do. But for now, I need to be at Ruby Tuesday to work a double serving in exactly one hour. And this woman still needs to shower. I'll create later :)
I'm almost three months into my first year of "for real" teaching" now. There have been so many great things I wish I would have made note and taken better record of. I made my first impression by stringing up a grid, hovering over students' heads, to teach longitude and latitude. Then we dove in to this awesome unit about Ancient American Civilizations. Having been to the Mayan ruins in Copan, Honduras, I was able to accumulate many pictures and take them on a "tour" of the city, explaining the bulk of Mayan religion to them. We made these awesome interactive notebooks and we had so much fun putting them together! I had a girl tell me yesterday that she loved gluing all the pieces in, but not writing the final letter. Well, too bad. Learning still needs to happen!
So now, they're all working on writing me a letter as if they are from on of the three civilizations, telling me what it's like to be a citizen (or slave, or king/emperor....it's very open really) and comparing and contrasting their civilization to one of the other ones. I have a few of them that have turned in their final letters to me and I'm so excited to get to read them! Some of these kids are so creative. I had to keep reminding them to make sure the stories and descriptions in their letter were based on factual information, that it could have really happened. Historical fiction people!....Hmmmmm, I could really dive into that genre in Social Studies. Why am I just now thinking of this?
I have a to-do list for the basic structure of....my classroom/teaching/learning/walls.
- Put up a "Wonder Wall". I want kids to be able to post things they have questions or wonder about while they read and study in and out of the classroom. I'm going to turn one of the panels of the dividing wall into a space for posting these thoughts. We'll randomly pick some from the wall and answer them together! Questioning is an important reading skill.
- Create a time line. One of the standards that needs to be met in sixth grade is the comprehension of time lines, understanding AD and BC. I want to have a "crooked" timeline, wrapped around the top of the room like a border, that we add to when we learn about something new. I want to reinforce the idea that all of history coincides and overlaps.
- Writing checklist. I'm not sure exactly how this will look yet, but I want to have a visual reminder of my expectations for student writing. With this, I want to teach the Smart Answer format of written response, which students need to follow when writing on ISTEP.
- Giant World Atlas. This one, I know how I want it to look, I just can't be sure I can make it work. I would love to have the continents all cut out as large black masses posted somewhere in the room, and we add colored labels to them as we learn about new geographic locations. We've covered the continents, the five oceans, and the cardinal directions. We'll be talking about the Mediterranean and Black Sea when we start the Greeks, and I want to be able to add that stuff in as we talk about it.
This really makes we wish I would have had the time to do all this stuff before the beginning of the year. I hate that my students this year can't get the best of my ideas from the start. But, better late than never I suppose. I have a lot of work to do. But for now, I need to be at Ruby Tuesday to work a double serving in exactly one hour. And this woman still needs to shower. I'll create later :)
Saturday, August 17, 2013
I'M A REAL TEACHER NOW!
When I say that, I feel like Pinocchio, "I'm a real boy!" But whatever. It's true! I'm a real teacher now! And I've been hard at work trying to create my classroom into what I want and need it to be! It's been such a crazy week. I have so much lesson planning to do and there's no curriculum map, so I feel like I'm basically pulling it all from scratch. I don't have the resources I'm used to, so I'm going to have to get creative. But that's something I can do. The thing is, none of this even really feels like work. It's just doing what I love to do! So maybe it takes a little longer to do things because I'm a cutesy-type teacher inside. Hey, I'm elementary certified! Pardon me if I don't want it to look like a guy did everything. I like fun fonts and creating notes to go with cool, attractive PowerPoints and lessons. To me, this is my playground.
Things that like to trash my playground are things like spending an hour at the Central Office when I could be playing in my playground and having to fill out an inch and a half thick stack of paperwork when I was super tired. Poor woman was probably excited to finally see me go. I couldn't remember anything, or sign my name quickly by any means. Everything was such a chore with the fatigue. I realized when I got home that night I'd written the wrong number down to contact Dad in case of an emergency. Super. I have some more things to send through the corporation mail on Monday so I can finish everything off, so I'll just send a Post-It with it I guess. And follow up on it later. I mean, my phone has a few contacts listed as ICE. So really, it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Besides the lesson planning, one of the very first things I need to do is establish rules for my classroom that are easy to understand, enforce, and remind students of. So I spent some quality time with my computer and made these lovely things!
I spent a lot of time on them getting them to be like I want them, and making sure the owl went with the polka dot background :) You know you wouldn't expect anything less from me. But I mean, if I'm gonna have a permanent teaching job, and have to look at them for more than a few months, I want them to look pretty. So I'll have to get them all printed off on cardstock and laminated! Yay! That'll be a project for probably Wednesday night after school. I have to work at Ruby's Monday, and I don't teach on Tuesday.
So great. It's kind of sad how excited I get about these sorts of things.
I have a long list of things to accomplish, like labeling my files. Heck, creating the files I need....okay, finding what files I will need to begin with. See how desperately stuck to square one I am? I need to find out about the McRel evaluations and get a hold of a rubric for me to start studying. All my evidence of what I'm doing will need to be filed throughout the year as well.
In more exciting news, I bought a beach ball on Amazon. But not just any beach ball. This is a beach ball that is a globe. Complete with longitude and latitude. Guess who got excited about her lesson planning activities? That's right. This girl.
I'll have to try to keep up with blogging so I can inform and record exactly what's going on. I missed all of the chaos of the job hunt this summer. Really, getting this job was not expected. I know I'd blogged something about it, mentioning I thought I'd be great for the position, but how I got it was totally off the wall. I'm kind of bummed I didn't blog all of that. I guess I feel like no one reads this thing anyway, so why bother? I'm not much of a "celebrity" at all. No one really follows me and my life. Oh well.
Well, I believe that's all for now! I've been working like a busy busy bee, trying to get everything sorted. Hopefully as things fall into place, I'll be able to talk more about school and my classes and all that fun junk. And eventually, when I get everything set up how I want it, I'll take some pictures of my room to share! Yay!
Until next time! Whenever that may be...
Thanks to these guys for the graphics. Just FYI.
http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Hazel-Owl
<center><a href="http://the3amteacher.blogspot.com/ "><img src="http://i593.photobucket.com/albums/tt15/04fallingstar/The%203AM%20Teacher/myblogbutton2.png" width=180 height=180 border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a>
</center>
Things that like to trash my playground are things like spending an hour at the Central Office when I could be playing in my playground and having to fill out an inch and a half thick stack of paperwork when I was super tired. Poor woman was probably excited to finally see me go. I couldn't remember anything, or sign my name quickly by any means. Everything was such a chore with the fatigue. I realized when I got home that night I'd written the wrong number down to contact Dad in case of an emergency. Super. I have some more things to send through the corporation mail on Monday so I can finish everything off, so I'll just send a Post-It with it I guess. And follow up on it later. I mean, my phone has a few contacts listed as ICE. So really, it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Besides the lesson planning, one of the very first things I need to do is establish rules for my classroom that are easy to understand, enforce, and remind students of. So I spent some quality time with my computer and made these lovely things!
I spent a lot of time on them getting them to be like I want them, and making sure the owl went with the polka dot background :) You know you wouldn't expect anything less from me. But I mean, if I'm gonna have a permanent teaching job, and have to look at them for more than a few months, I want them to look pretty. So I'll have to get them all printed off on cardstock and laminated! Yay! That'll be a project for probably Wednesday night after school. I have to work at Ruby's Monday, and I don't teach on Tuesday.
So great. It's kind of sad how excited I get about these sorts of things.
I have a long list of things to accomplish, like labeling my files. Heck, creating the files I need....okay, finding what files I will need to begin with. See how desperately stuck to square one I am? I need to find out about the McRel evaluations and get a hold of a rubric for me to start studying. All my evidence of what I'm doing will need to be filed throughout the year as well.
In more exciting news, I bought a beach ball on Amazon. But not just any beach ball. This is a beach ball that is a globe. Complete with longitude and latitude. Guess who got excited about her lesson planning activities? That's right. This girl.
I'll have to try to keep up with blogging so I can inform and record exactly what's going on. I missed all of the chaos of the job hunt this summer. Really, getting this job was not expected. I know I'd blogged something about it, mentioning I thought I'd be great for the position, but how I got it was totally off the wall. I'm kind of bummed I didn't blog all of that. I guess I feel like no one reads this thing anyway, so why bother? I'm not much of a "celebrity" at all. No one really follows me and my life. Oh well.
Well, I believe that's all for now! I've been working like a busy busy bee, trying to get everything sorted. Hopefully as things fall into place, I'll be able to talk more about school and my classes and all that fun junk. And eventually, when I get everything set up how I want it, I'll take some pictures of my room to share! Yay!
Until next time! Whenever that may be...
Thanks to these guys for the graphics. Just FYI.
http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Hazel-Owl
<center><a href="http://the3amteacher.blogspot.com/ "><img src="http://i593.photobucket.com/albums/tt15/04fallingstar/The%203AM%20Teacher/myblogbutton2.png" width=180 height=180 border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a>
</center>
Friday, August 9, 2013
The Final Word in Generosity
Be generous. With your life, with your money, with your time, with your kindness, with your love, with your...fill in the blank. As a woman who has grown up in a Christian household, I have grown up with the command of generosity. My mother was always a prime example of this trait. Her gently, humble spirit was the perfect home for a spirit of generosity. Now, I'm not saying she was perfect. But she may as well have been. I tried to avoid thinking of my inner spirit up against my mother's, just like you don't put something stark white up near your teeth. My dad always told me, and I most certainly agreed with him on all counts, that if I want to become a woman of Christ, follow Christ, yes, but also, watch my mother.
It goes without saying that our calling to generosity is to bring glory to God, not to have our own names shouted out in praise. In fact, we are even instructed in Scripture to keep what our right hand is doing a secret from our left. Although taking these words literally is impossible, the message it's sending is very clear. Don't go boasting about your acts of goodness and generosity so everyone knows. Instead, make a move for Christ as a demonstration of his love to be a blessing to others, and allow God to be the focus of that blessing, not you and what you did. Acts of generosity bless the giver as well. God knows what we have done in secret, and he will be faithful to bless us in return. I know this is true, because immediately my heart is always overflowing with joy seeing how a person has been blessed by Christ's work through me.
We are instructed to give freely of our resources to others. Oftentimes, I find myself holding back or hesitating, wondering if what I have to offer is really going to make that big of a difference. But when you think about it, the difference that's made, is you putting someone else's needs before your own. Sure, I may have been working 65 or so hours a week last year, but when I set time aside for someone, that small sacrifice brought joy. I gave what I was able to give. I don't want to go listing examples of what I've given, because that would be going against what I've just said about not telling the world everything you do, but I'm beginning to understand that my acts of love do not need to be extravagant. I hope that I can continue to look for even the smallest of opportunities to bless other people.
Recently, at Ruby's, one of the servers got into quite the predicament. Without going into the full scenario in which this woman had been placed, I'll suffice it to say, she needed $700 to pay her mortgage by Tuesday, on top of a few other very expensive necessities for her family. It was Saturday night. Typically, this young woman is very on top of things and hardly misses a beat. But all these things had been piled on top of her at the last moment and had thrown her completely off balance. We all did what we could. She was working in the cocktail area, so the other hosts and I sat her as much as possible, and tried to put the bigger parties under her name. The other cocktail server that night would switch out her four top tables for two top tables to do the same. We pitched in taking food and drinks out so she wouldn't fall behind and reap all the profit from having that much table action. Still, by the end of the night, it was becoming clear that it probably won't be enough, even with her having a few more shifts before the mortgage was due.
The next night, during my shift, I was surprised to see an individual who knew the situation hiding behind my host stand. I was yanked down to join them and handed a very full envelope with this server's name on it and a verse on the back. I had to hold onto this thing for two and a half hours, trying not to bubble over with excitement.
At closing, I pulled her out from behind the bar and told her something had come for her. Taking the envelope in her hands, she looks at me and asks, "What's this?" I simply reply, "Yours."
She followed me out, determined to discover who had given me this envelope for her, but I refused to give her anything. When she realized I wasn't going to tell her or even help her narrow the pool of possibilities, she just cried and hugged me.
I cried too.
This woman is such an encouragement and a blessing to everyone. She's strong. She's an overcomer. She never backs down. But not all battles can be won on your own. Sometimes you need a helping hand. What would have happened if this certain individual had ignored the prompting from God they had received? What if they had decided the sacrifice was too big and refused to move forward? Someone you will come in contact with, or maybe already have, is fighting a battle. Everyone is, really. Will we leave them to fight things out on their own? Or will we instead use our time and resources to demonstrate God's faithfulness and love to be a blessing to the world? We don't have to pay someone's mortgage to bless them. Where is the need? How can we touch it? Do they feel unneeded? Do they feel like no one has time for them? Do they not go out with friends because they don't have the cash to do it and feel isolated? Are they overwhelmed with planning an event? What is it we can do to alleviate some of the the stress and tension of the world in which we live? Are we available to others, or have we closed ourselves off because we have our own battles to face....
We have been richly blessed in order that we may bless the world. Something to think about.
It goes without saying that our calling to generosity is to bring glory to God, not to have our own names shouted out in praise. In fact, we are even instructed in Scripture to keep what our right hand is doing a secret from our left. Although taking these words literally is impossible, the message it's sending is very clear. Don't go boasting about your acts of goodness and generosity so everyone knows. Instead, make a move for Christ as a demonstration of his love to be a blessing to others, and allow God to be the focus of that blessing, not you and what you did. Acts of generosity bless the giver as well. God knows what we have done in secret, and he will be faithful to bless us in return. I know this is true, because immediately my heart is always overflowing with joy seeing how a person has been blessed by Christ's work through me.
We are instructed to give freely of our resources to others. Oftentimes, I find myself holding back or hesitating, wondering if what I have to offer is really going to make that big of a difference. But when you think about it, the difference that's made, is you putting someone else's needs before your own. Sure, I may have been working 65 or so hours a week last year, but when I set time aside for someone, that small sacrifice brought joy. I gave what I was able to give. I don't want to go listing examples of what I've given, because that would be going against what I've just said about not telling the world everything you do, but I'm beginning to understand that my acts of love do not need to be extravagant. I hope that I can continue to look for even the smallest of opportunities to bless other people.
Recently, at Ruby's, one of the servers got into quite the predicament. Without going into the full scenario in which this woman had been placed, I'll suffice it to say, she needed $700 to pay her mortgage by Tuesday, on top of a few other very expensive necessities for her family. It was Saturday night. Typically, this young woman is very on top of things and hardly misses a beat. But all these things had been piled on top of her at the last moment and had thrown her completely off balance. We all did what we could. She was working in the cocktail area, so the other hosts and I sat her as much as possible, and tried to put the bigger parties under her name. The other cocktail server that night would switch out her four top tables for two top tables to do the same. We pitched in taking food and drinks out so she wouldn't fall behind and reap all the profit from having that much table action. Still, by the end of the night, it was becoming clear that it probably won't be enough, even with her having a few more shifts before the mortgage was due.
The next night, during my shift, I was surprised to see an individual who knew the situation hiding behind my host stand. I was yanked down to join them and handed a very full envelope with this server's name on it and a verse on the back. I had to hold onto this thing for two and a half hours, trying not to bubble over with excitement.
At closing, I pulled her out from behind the bar and told her something had come for her. Taking the envelope in her hands, she looks at me and asks, "What's this?" I simply reply, "Yours."
She followed me out, determined to discover who had given me this envelope for her, but I refused to give her anything. When she realized I wasn't going to tell her or even help her narrow the pool of possibilities, she just cried and hugged me.
I cried too.
This woman is such an encouragement and a blessing to everyone. She's strong. She's an overcomer. She never backs down. But not all battles can be won on your own. Sometimes you need a helping hand. What would have happened if this certain individual had ignored the prompting from God they had received? What if they had decided the sacrifice was too big and refused to move forward? Someone you will come in contact with, or maybe already have, is fighting a battle. Everyone is, really. Will we leave them to fight things out on their own? Or will we instead use our time and resources to demonstrate God's faithfulness and love to be a blessing to the world? We don't have to pay someone's mortgage to bless them. Where is the need? How can we touch it? Do they feel unneeded? Do they feel like no one has time for them? Do they not go out with friends because they don't have the cash to do it and feel isolated? Are they overwhelmed with planning an event? What is it we can do to alleviate some of the the stress and tension of the world in which we live? Are we available to others, or have we closed ourselves off because we have our own battles to face....
We have been richly blessed in order that we may bless the world. Something to think about.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
#NeverGiveUp
The time has come. Again. The time when I feel like giving up and saying "forget it" to the whole freaking world of teaching. It's hard for me to fathom what God could possibly be doing when I will be jobless for the second year out of college when all these new grads, including the one who now lives just downstairs, secured jobs quickly. I have contacted and applied to several school districts around the area, and there's just nothing left, and when there is an opening, I'm never contacted.
It's been a very difficult year for me. I've been grinding my face and feet into the ground and have little to show for it but sore and bleeding feet. I've paid of $10,000 in student loan debt, but have accumulated less than $1,000 in savings. I've been living on $5-600 a month and have become surprisingly good at it. But one thing is for sure: I can't keep this up for another year. However, with the first day of school just a couple weeks away now, with no job in hand, I once again find myself in the same predicament I was in 12 months ago. Dive in or starve.
Having still received nothing but silence from prospective jobs which I had applied for, I turned my attention back to the beginning of the circle. Well, almost the beginning. I skipped Warsaw altogether this time. I rechecked Jobline for Tippy Valley, and saw that they posted a fourth grade maternity leave job on July 25th. Seeing as it was a recent post, I applied for it quickly, hoping to get a jump start. I went through the quick process they took me through, but then also emailed the principal and sent her my resume just for good measure. Something inside of me isn't quite ready to give up.
No matter how this turns out though, my time is up in avoiding serving at Ruby Tuesday. After a year of barely scrapping by, it's time I put on my big girl panties and face my fears. In order to make the money I need to save up for my imminent future expenses, I must become a server. This terrifies me. I hate dealing with rude people, especially knowing that the money I make depends on them. I hate the idea of having to cover up for our awful kitchen staff and their stupid, careless blunders. But I can't afford to be afraid anymore. Literally.
So my fingers are crossed for this new maternity leave opportunity. It would be 12 weeks of much better pay, which would do me well and allow me a little bit of breathing room. I can only hope that maybe it will launch me into better position to secure a full time teaching job next fall. I know deep down that God does have a plan in all this chaos, but I have to search really hard to find that knowledge. But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying. I can't. I've worked too hard.
So here we go, on to the next great adventure in the life that's speckled with bits and pieces of just about everything. But really, in the end, that's what makes it unique. And so we go...
Thursday, July 4, 2013
News News
Well, the job search continues after Warsaw turned into a dead end. I'm looking forward to new things though! I've applied to both of Tippy Valley's elementary schools, and I downloaded the applications for Wawasee today!
The great thing about Wawasee is that they have a 6th grade Social Studies position open. I got super excited about the idea all on my own several months ago before I even knew if such a position woukd exist in this area. But lo and behold, this one has come to my attention! I'm so excited to pursue this new opportunity. I feel like I would be very good in a position like this. Focusing on one subject, teaching a lesson multiple times, would relieve some of the stresses of teaching. Yes, some. Few actually. But I loved doing just that during my student teaching at Lincoln. I learned so much that way. I was a better teacher for it. I also believe that since I'm trained as an elementary teacher, and integrating subjects is a must, I would also be able to teach/reinforce nonfiction reading skills. I hope this puts me ahead as I pursue the job. I'll also be applying for their temporary 3rd grade position as a backup. But that makes me no less excited.
In other news, I will be replacing my poor refrigerator. The thing is shot, and I need to be able to store food. My eating habits have gone by the wayside without fridge space. Can anyone say #firstworldproblems?? Well there you go. I did for you. I'll need to find someone with a truck or van to transport the old one out and the new one in though. That's going to be the toughest part.
I'm working as close to 30 hours a week at Ruby Tuesday, which feels like heaven. Instead of 65 between 3 or 4 jobs, I have 30 at one, and I have more money in my pocket since I'm all saved up for loan payments for the duration of the summer.
Kal's been working 40 hours a week for good pay, 7-3 M-F bless his heart. He's got rent to pay during the school year now. He and his close buddies are going to be living off campus together. So he has a lot to save up for. Fortunately, his boss wants him to work some after golf is over. So he'll have a little bit of income for about a third of the school year. Good for him. Hopefully I'll be working full time as a teacher somewhere.
Well, I do believe we're going putt-putting, so I'm going to get ready and get heading to Columbia City! Woo-Hoo!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Wisdom is Folly
As time goes on, the world seems determined to wipe out their need for God. Through laws and "civil rights" movements and protests, humans seem hell bent on creating a world that is saturated in sinful behaviors and godlessness. They (we) hide behind this idea that if we think it feels right, who are we to judge what is supposedly right and wrong? Freedom of religion is only accepted as long as someone's faith and beliefs aren't telling you you're wrong, then "tolerance" for religion is thrown out the window and Christians are made out to be narrow-minded fools. The problem is, narrow-mindedness on some things is evidence of what has saved my unworthy soul.
Without getting political, I simply want to relay the message that Paul was giving in the opening chapters of 1 Corinthians. "For the wisdom of the world is folly with God" (3:19). How silly we must look to him, battling for things that we believe are so important and how "wise" and "accepting of others" we feel when we participate in the ways of the world. All the while, I can see God shaking his head, in pain, yes, but also is chuckling disbelief. "For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men" (1:25).
YouTube and America's Funniest Home Videos are tributes to the foolishness and stupidity of the human race. We laugh at each others foolishness, yet we don't realize that our supposed "wisdom" looks just as foolish to God as the man who thought he could do a flip on a dirt bike off a flimsy homemade ramp. Oh, I'm sure he thought it all out and made his best judgments on the best placement on the ramp and how fast he may need to go and yada yada yada...but he still pulls out the narrow strip of plywood and expects nothing bad will happen to him. In all our thought wisdom, we look just as stupid to God!
Fortunately for those who believe, there is hope in the second part of that verse when we are told "...the weakness of God is stronger than men". Even when we fail, and even when we don't feel strong enough to stand up against the foolishness of the world any longer, God, even at his weakest (as if God were to ever be weak), is still stronger than the worlds strongest body and mind!
Humanity has come to believe that it can solve all of its problems apart from the God who made us. We have come to believe that it is we who are in charge of our "destiny" and "fate". It is we who determine our steps and decide where we go. But all of this is speaking directly against what God has said in His Word! It is GOD who directs our steps. We have the decision to follow or not, it's true. But God has the power to intervene whenever he chooses. Think about it. We are completely and entirely powerless. We are flimsy and pathetic. We are fools. Yet we strut around the earth proclaiming that our advances in science and technology and "political reason" have separated us from the need to be under God's supervision. But, "the fire will test what sort of work each one has done" (3:13).
Oh Lord, please deliver me from the sins and the folly of the world. Do not allow me to stumble on their false wisdom. You have set me apart for a greater purpose than this. Give me the strength to endure when I have none left for myself. Lay my path before me and teach me to trust in You each step that I take.
"And because of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'"
1 Corinthians 1:30-31
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
The Beginning of Phase...What Number Am I On Now?
It is now the end of April, despite what the weather may be throwing at us. I'm getting ready to pay my final rent payment at Kurt's house. This is a relief. Unfortunately, that means I need to start thinking about packing things away and moving to the Galvin's around the lake. I'm not sure how long I'll be there, or what's coming after. I don't know exactly how I'll manage the adjustment back to a more dorm-like lifestyle after living with a full kitchen and whatnot for two years. But, I still believe it's the best choice for me right now, at least for the summer or until I get established in a full-time teaching job, which will hopefully be sometime this fall. Not all is hopeless though, since I'll most likely be training as a server at Ruby's in June. I'll have the means to make a little more money at least.
But, first things first, I need to start organizing my possessions for transport to my new living location. This has been made slightly difficult by the last student day at school now being May 30th, the day before I need to move out. It is now necessary for me to have everything packed up and ready to go before that date so that I am able to just spend May 31st moving everything around the "corner" of the lake. Knowing that I'll only have the evenings to work with, I know that I need to start. Probably very soon. I'll be downsizing a bit, so I'll need to be extra prepared.
I don't understand why the beginning of summer is always this way for me. For the last five years now, I've had some huge move. The last four has been moving back home after college, and then last summer I had to move after college and then move from home back to Warsaw. It was two big moves pretty close together. And now this summer I'm moving again and taking kitchen things back to Wooster because I'm too poor to rent my own apartment!
Regardless, I'm looking forward to getting out of here, away from Tiffany and Courtney. I'm getting rather sick of them running the house all the time. I guess it would be different if I was friends with Tiffany and closer to Courtney and I actually knew all the people who were over here all the time. But I don't. I wish I blended in with this whole mess more just so I didn't feel so awkward all the time. I don't want to feel like I'm hiding in my room every night when I come home. But I don't really have anywhere else to go. I try to sit here in the kitchen and do some reading and take notes and do some work, but then they come storming in with loud conversation and start making dinner or something and completely "dominate the space" as Dad would say. Now they've got a movie in, loud. And they're laughing and talking, loudly. Yes, I do like this movie, but you haven't invited me to be a part of your powwow, so I'm not gonna barge in, but I also don't want to go hide away like a hermit. So I'm left continuing to sit here, awkwardly.
Super.
Anyway.
I'm debating trying to get into working summer school as well. I really would love to only work at one place, but I also understand that it would look good to have taught in Warsaw's summer programming. It would expose me to more Warsaw personnel. I was not given a letter of intent as the emails said we all would, but I can still fill something out online...I guess, that's what it's kind of starting to look like anyway.
Whichever way the wind blows me next, I probably won't be ready for it, but at the same time, I'm ready for things to change a bit. I don't like feeling like a nomad, but that's just the phase of life I'm in. For all I know, Becky, whose graduating from Grace this year and just quit working at Ruby Tuesday's, could get a job back in Warsaw for the fall, and she suggested she and I get an apartment together since we'd both be in the same boat. I love Becky. She would be a wonderful change. But that would require yet another big move. I guess we'll see. As usual.
Let the next phase begin...
But, first things first, I need to start organizing my possessions for transport to my new living location. This has been made slightly difficult by the last student day at school now being May 30th, the day before I need to move out. It is now necessary for me to have everything packed up and ready to go before that date so that I am able to just spend May 31st moving everything around the "corner" of the lake. Knowing that I'll only have the evenings to work with, I know that I need to start. Probably very soon. I'll be downsizing a bit, so I'll need to be extra prepared.
I don't understand why the beginning of summer is always this way for me. For the last five years now, I've had some huge move. The last four has been moving back home after college, and then last summer I had to move after college and then move from home back to Warsaw. It was two big moves pretty close together. And now this summer I'm moving again and taking kitchen things back to Wooster because I'm too poor to rent my own apartment!
Regardless, I'm looking forward to getting out of here, away from Tiffany and Courtney. I'm getting rather sick of them running the house all the time. I guess it would be different if I was friends with Tiffany and closer to Courtney and I actually knew all the people who were over here all the time. But I don't. I wish I blended in with this whole mess more just so I didn't feel so awkward all the time. I don't want to feel like I'm hiding in my room every night when I come home. But I don't really have anywhere else to go. I try to sit here in the kitchen and do some reading and take notes and do some work, but then they come storming in with loud conversation and start making dinner or something and completely "dominate the space" as Dad would say. Now they've got a movie in, loud. And they're laughing and talking, loudly. Yes, I do like this movie, but you haven't invited me to be a part of your powwow, so I'm not gonna barge in, but I also don't want to go hide away like a hermit. So I'm left continuing to sit here, awkwardly.
Super.
Anyway.
I'm debating trying to get into working summer school as well. I really would love to only work at one place, but I also understand that it would look good to have taught in Warsaw's summer programming. It would expose me to more Warsaw personnel. I was not given a letter of intent as the emails said we all would, but I can still fill something out online...I guess, that's what it's kind of starting to look like anyway.
Whichever way the wind blows me next, I probably won't be ready for it, but at the same time, I'm ready for things to change a bit. I don't like feeling like a nomad, but that's just the phase of life I'm in. For all I know, Becky, whose graduating from Grace this year and just quit working at Ruby Tuesday's, could get a job back in Warsaw for the fall, and she suggested she and I get an apartment together since we'd both be in the same boat. I love Becky. She would be a wonderful change. But that would require yet another big move. I guess we'll see. As usual.
Let the next phase begin...
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Today is April 16.
Well the last 24 hours have been super fantastic, that's for sure. That's verbal irony people. Saying the opposite of what you mean, not to be confused with sarcasm. I have been pushed to my limit of self-control with students with emotional disabilities, forced to work two jobs at the same time at Ruby's, breaking a sweat as I go while still trying to be peppy and presentable, got into a bubble of stress related tension with Kal, discovered my dreams of doing something out of the box for Wade have been dashed and slaughtered mercilessly by life, and then woke up this morning to come to school and discover I now have to work half an hour to forty-five minutes a day without being paid for it because they're budget's short, and then be pushed to the limit by an ED student right off the bat.
WHAM!
Is it summer break yet? This week is the beginning of the end, but a hellish end it will be. Counting today, we have nine school days before the second round of ISTEP is upon us, which will be followed by F&P testing (reading levels), and then Acuity for the nine weeks after that. Can you say excited??! I can't. It's as if the world of education says, "Hmmm, it looks like they may have some life in them now after Spring Break from the weather warming up, with hope of summer. Let's squelch them out 'til they're dry! Muah hahahahahahaha!!"
The good news is I have one of my letters of recommendation re-dated and attached to my online application for Warsaw. That's coming together somewhat nicely (knock on wood). It's nice that it's already been filled out, I just need to update it a bit.
I looked online for Tippy Valley, but they don't have any jobs posted yet. I'll keep an eye out, but I'm not even sure where to get an application. I didn't see anything on their website. When they post a position, if I can't see a way to apply, I'll just have to call over and see if they're still paper/pencil or what. Or, probably pen, rather than pencil. But whatever!
One of the hosts at Ruby's quit. All his hours were being given away even though he'd been there forever so now we're short a busser and a host. He did both. This is good because it allows me more hours as soon as I'm ready to take them, it's bad because it will be harder to get time off when I need it. It's also bad because he was one of the ones that was easy to get along with. I'm gonna miss him. He had spunk. Gave the dreary place a little zest. I didn't feel like I stuck out so much. Haha!
This is the third week I haven't been scheduled for BYC. Well, I guess that's not entirely accurate, I was scheduled one day a few weeks ago. I guess I'll need to have a conversation with Amber to see if she's taking me off the schedule for good or what, because if she's not going to need to use me, I can pick up more hours at Ruby's. Sure, I'll lose $200 for not working BYC for two months, but I'll gain up to $40 or so a week if I work both those nights at Ruby's. You do the math.
I'm not sure how long Randy plans on having me work with Cami on volleyball stuff either. I've done four sessions now, and he's planning on another one next Friday. If he wants to have me do the rest of the school year, I will be more than happy to. That's an easy $25 for an hour of teaching what I love.
I've aquired, or rather, reflamed, my obsession with Sharpie and Post-It. If I were rich, I'd buy everything to do with them. Post-It notes are just super great, and Sharpie has the best pens in the world. There's a pack of twelve that has ten different awesome colors at Staples for $20. I asked Kal if he would judge me if I spent $20 on twelve Sharpie pens. He said that was up to me "haha". He loves them too. So maybe we could just share :) Of course...I love me my pens (wow, that's terrible English).
Speaking of terrible English, I was thinking this morning as I cut off some terrible music (because it's more slop than art anymore), that the lyrics of today's top hits could be sliced up (if they were school appropriate, which most are NOT) and corrected grammatically by an elementary student as a project. What has America come to? We getting "more stupider" each and every day, despite our technological and scientific advances (the bad grammar there WAS, in fact, intended).
It's like education has become more of a formality than a treasure.
However, in my most recent readings, I'm beginning to wonder if it's simply because we have a general shift from middle-class to poverty. The middle class has taken a real beating and our coutry is slipping much deeper into poverty. Yes, we are still a first world coutnry will many benifits that most of the world does not have. But compared to what we have been, our poverty levels have risen and our culture is reflecting that. School is not as respected as it once was. The "way" and the expectations of school are very middle class and do not fit to other lifestyles.
Whatever the case, I'm sad to see appreciation for education slipping. As if teaching students who have given up on themselves isn't hard enough, now they're taught by culture to simply not care. And then, somehow, this is the fault of the teacher.
What a messed up world we live in.
WHAM!
Is it summer break yet? This week is the beginning of the end, but a hellish end it will be. Counting today, we have nine school days before the second round of ISTEP is upon us, which will be followed by F&P testing (reading levels), and then Acuity for the nine weeks after that. Can you say excited??! I can't. It's as if the world of education says, "Hmmm, it looks like they may have some life in them now after Spring Break from the weather warming up, with hope of summer. Let's squelch them out 'til they're dry! Muah hahahahahahaha!!"
The good news is I have one of my letters of recommendation re-dated and attached to my online application for Warsaw. That's coming together somewhat nicely (knock on wood). It's nice that it's already been filled out, I just need to update it a bit.
I looked online for Tippy Valley, but they don't have any jobs posted yet. I'll keep an eye out, but I'm not even sure where to get an application. I didn't see anything on their website. When they post a position, if I can't see a way to apply, I'll just have to call over and see if they're still paper/pencil or what. Or, probably pen, rather than pencil. But whatever!
One of the hosts at Ruby's quit. All his hours were being given away even though he'd been there forever so now we're short a busser and a host. He did both. This is good because it allows me more hours as soon as I'm ready to take them, it's bad because it will be harder to get time off when I need it. It's also bad because he was one of the ones that was easy to get along with. I'm gonna miss him. He had spunk. Gave the dreary place a little zest. I didn't feel like I stuck out so much. Haha!
This is the third week I haven't been scheduled for BYC. Well, I guess that's not entirely accurate, I was scheduled one day a few weeks ago. I guess I'll need to have a conversation with Amber to see if she's taking me off the schedule for good or what, because if she's not going to need to use me, I can pick up more hours at Ruby's. Sure, I'll lose $200 for not working BYC for two months, but I'll gain up to $40 or so a week if I work both those nights at Ruby's. You do the math.
I'm not sure how long Randy plans on having me work with Cami on volleyball stuff either. I've done four sessions now, and he's planning on another one next Friday. If he wants to have me do the rest of the school year, I will be more than happy to. That's an easy $25 for an hour of teaching what I love.
I've aquired, or rather, reflamed, my obsession with Sharpie and Post-It. If I were rich, I'd buy everything to do with them. Post-It notes are just super great, and Sharpie has the best pens in the world. There's a pack of twelve that has ten different awesome colors at Staples for $20. I asked Kal if he would judge me if I spent $20 on twelve Sharpie pens. He said that was up to me "haha". He loves them too. So maybe we could just share :) Of course...I love me my pens (wow, that's terrible English).
Speaking of terrible English, I was thinking this morning as I cut off some terrible music (because it's more slop than art anymore), that the lyrics of today's top hits could be sliced up (if they were school appropriate, which most are NOT) and corrected grammatically by an elementary student as a project. What has America come to? We getting "more stupider" each and every day, despite our technological and scientific advances (the bad grammar there WAS, in fact, intended).
It's like education has become more of a formality than a treasure.
However, in my most recent readings, I'm beginning to wonder if it's simply because we have a general shift from middle-class to poverty. The middle class has taken a real beating and our coutry is slipping much deeper into poverty. Yes, we are still a first world coutnry will many benifits that most of the world does not have. But compared to what we have been, our poverty levels have risen and our culture is reflecting that. School is not as respected as it once was. The "way" and the expectations of school are very middle class and do not fit to other lifestyles.
Whatever the case, I'm sad to see appreciation for education slipping. As if teaching students who have given up on themselves isn't hard enough, now they're taught by culture to simply not care. And then, somehow, this is the fault of the teacher.
What a messed up world we live in.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
This IS the Post Title...
Why do I even bother trying to keep up a blog? I can't keep a journal either. I'm terrible at keeping things updated. I'm terrible at writing things down. It's hard to figure out why I do much of anything anymore. Why did I leave home again? Where exactly is this "big" dream taking me? How am I better off? When are these little nightmares going to end? When will I stop being so flimsy and pathetic? I have so much yet so little on my mind right now. There's simply no way to put it all into words.
I need to get moving on updating my resume and application to Warsaw and start the application process with Tippy Valley. But I've lost most all motivation to do so. I'm so ready to be done with school I don't want to start thinking about doing it all over again next year. I know I don't want to be stuck as an assistant again, but it was nice not having to take anything home. But it's not my dream by any means. Yet I don't want to move any deeper into "real life". Being an adult has it's advantages, sure, but it sucks.
My phone doesn't hold a charge at all when I make a phone call. I called Mom today and we had a quick five minute conversation and it started beeping telling me there was a low battery. I charged it last night. It's been out of the wall plug for three and a half hours. Whatever. It gets the charge back after I hang up. So stupid. So really, I can only text for the most part, unless I'm in a place I can plug my phone in. I'm going to have to start carrying my charger everywhere. Fantastic.
I'm ready for it to be summer for a whole lot of reasons. Spring weather is finally here (I just hope it stays), and I can feel summer all the way down in my bones. When I got home from work last night, I just sat there in my car with the door opened, listening to whatever those singing bugs are and enjoying the warmth on my skin. I can't wait for the freedom to be outside, not cramped up in the school building, hunched over a table that's too short for me trying to figure out where everyone is and where they're going and what they need. I'm ready to just work at one place, although we did get an email this week that summer employment for summer school will be available to all who worked the 2012-2013 school year. So I may do that for a week or two. Another thing I can put on my resume. That I still have to update.
Great.
I need to get moving on updating my resume and application to Warsaw and start the application process with Tippy Valley. But I've lost most all motivation to do so. I'm so ready to be done with school I don't want to start thinking about doing it all over again next year. I know I don't want to be stuck as an assistant again, but it was nice not having to take anything home. But it's not my dream by any means. Yet I don't want to move any deeper into "real life". Being an adult has it's advantages, sure, but it sucks.
My phone doesn't hold a charge at all when I make a phone call. I called Mom today and we had a quick five minute conversation and it started beeping telling me there was a low battery. I charged it last night. It's been out of the wall plug for three and a half hours. Whatever. It gets the charge back after I hang up. So stupid. So really, I can only text for the most part, unless I'm in a place I can plug my phone in. I'm going to have to start carrying my charger everywhere. Fantastic.
I'm ready for it to be summer for a whole lot of reasons. Spring weather is finally here (I just hope it stays), and I can feel summer all the way down in my bones. When I got home from work last night, I just sat there in my car with the door opened, listening to whatever those singing bugs are and enjoying the warmth on my skin. I can't wait for the freedom to be outside, not cramped up in the school building, hunched over a table that's too short for me trying to figure out where everyone is and where they're going and what they need. I'm ready to just work at one place, although we did get an email this week that summer employment for summer school will be available to all who worked the 2012-2013 school year. So I may do that for a week or two. Another thing I can put on my resume. That I still have to update.
Great.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Just Tuesday
Teaching has not become any less crazy in the past couple of weeks. We jumped right from ISTEP to Acuity (with the third graders taking IRead the few days in between), and everyone is going crazy. Spring break could not come soon enough. As if we're not already in enough torture, a school cancellation back in November is forcing us to go to school on Friday now. We did get lucky enough to have yesterday off at least, but now we'll just have to make it up at the end of the school year most likely, which is probably going to mess up my packing and moving plans which are already pressed in tightly.
Everything else seems a little tight too. I've been fortunate enough this month to save a lot of money by not needing to do much grocery shopping. I guess I went a little overkill in February and the spillover has been such that I've only spent about $20 or so in groceries. I may even be able to put some money in my poor savings account this month! Go March! The only downside to March so far (besides my final loan's status changing to "repayment") has been the continued cold. I'm ready for it to be warm. As of six days ago now, it is officially spring in the world, and I'm ready for the weather to act accordingly. Instead we've dipped down into biting cold again with enough snow for a cancellation. I was going to pay my loans before school yesterday, but that had to be switched to today. I can't print off my payment verification(s) at home.
As usual, I was pretty pumped to press the "Verify and Submit Payment" button after punching in numbers higher than was due. I've worked really hard to be able to do this and I'm happy to do so to show the government they're not going to screw me over thousands of extra dollars. With interest rates so high, I'll skimp on some things for a few years to show them who's really in charge of my future. Me.
I've made it to book five of Kathy Reichs' books. The library has been my best friend in keeping me sane. I have a few books to get through over Spring Break. I'm really enjoying getting back into reading whatever I want instead of textbooks all the time. It makes me that much more excited for summer. I have my reading list at the ready. Fortunately, I'm not having to read at a breakneck pace anymore since ISTEP is over and I actually work to earn my money now.
I've created a pretty awesome mini unit on idioms for my fifth grade success group. We just finished similes and metaphors (although we will continue working on them, especially metaphors). I'm super proud of myself for making my own PowerPoint presentations and cute little idiom dictionaries for students to fill in and follow along as we learn together complete with individual activities. So excited.
I also have a new way to stitch in my continued self-teaching in knitting. I'm determined to figure out this awesome coffee mit or cozy or sweater or what-the-heck-ever. I learned the ribbing stitch, but now I need to learn to "bind off in pattern". It looks somewhat complicated. I'm sure I'll figure it out. After much frustration, someone finally clarified the rib stitch to me online. Oh the power of the internet. You can learn so much.
Unfortunately, to access all the internet has to offer, you have to buy expensive gadgets I just don't have money for. I'm hoping my computer will last a while yet, because I can't afford a new one right now. My dreams of an iPhone or iPad are pretty much dashed because if I can't buy a new computer then I have no business making extra purchases.
And then there's poor Libby. I predict that within the next two to three weeks, she will have covered a whopping 198,000 miles in her short 9 years of life. I need her to last to at solid 250,000. By that time I should have saved up enough money to buy a "new" car. I don't want to mess with the loan payments again if I don't have to. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to be student loan debt free by then. I made a long term goal for myself this morning. I want to have my student loans paid of by May/June of 2016. May preferably, obviously. However, by that point, the balance will be so low the interest will be of very little significance. So another month won't kill me. Maybe I'll throw a party to celebrate. It would be wonderful to have Libby present at the festivities. She's pulled me through so much. We've done a lot together. She's taken on her own personality with me. I talk to her, I cry with her, I feel bad for her when it's cold or when her gas gets low or when she sounds like she's struggling. I hug her and I kiss her steering wheel when she hits a new mileage milestone. We're like, best friends, call me crazy. She's my first car, she'll always hold a very special place in my heart. I'm glad I found an automotive place to help me take good care of her.
All that being said, it's a bright Tuesday and Libby and I are enjoying life together. We're super excited to get to go home to Wooster on Saturday morning! We've basically have our own indentations on the road between our house and Leesburg and then to Ruby's and back home again. She's looking forward to some different roads, even if they've been traveled before. And frankly, so am I.
Friday, March 8, 2013
ISTEP Week and Lazy Lulls
It's ISTEP time in Indiana. We started off with a meeting last Thursday morning about proctoring the assessments. Because I'm a certified teacher in the state of Indiana, I am allowed to administer the test. Few assistants have that ability. I would be in charge of two students's work. One is in fourth grade, and the other is in fifth. I was assigned to a room and I will be held accountable for verifying the validity of the test and the testing environment. I was handed a schedule and my placements and two examiner's manuels (forth grade bright pink and fifth grade bright green, like they'd been attacked with highlighters), as well as a few stapled pages for further instructions. Homework.
The instructions are very specific, and although I know the chance of needing anything more than the bolded words that are the only things I am allowed to speak is very slim, I still wanted to be very aware of what is expected and how I should proceed in the off chance that something goes goofy for one reason or another.
It's been a very slow week. I'm not allowed to say anything about the test, but I will say that it's been torture watching my fourth grader being forced to take the regular ISTEP test when her brain clearly doesn't process that way. She needs guidance and direction. She can do the work with help. But I'm not allowed to give it to her. I can't slow her down or guide her thinking. She's just off in her own little world, not really answering the questions, just pulling stuff out of thin air. It's been a nightmare.
The fifth grader had a death in the family, apparently. Rumor has it someone dies or is going to die soon right around ISTEP time just about every year. Legitimate death, fine, yes, stay home, but "Grandpa's going to die soon so he wants to take us to Disney on ISTEP week" doesn't cut it. So sympathy is hard to give, because we don't know exactly what's happening. He's not getting out of taking all of ISTEP though. We will pull him all day if we have to, within the limits of what is reasonable, of course.
Kal's been in Florida for golf all week, so I've been doing a lot of reading at night since I have no one to watch Bones with or watch build fun and crazy amusement parks on an old computer game.
I got to the point yesterday when I looked at my slip after checking out at the library when I began wondering if getting a Warsaw library card was a bad idea on my part. I now have eight books that are checked out in my name, I've returned one (which would have been nine), and I've finished two others. This has only been in the span of a couple weeks now. When I get reading, I read and read and read and read and read some more! Apparently I just can't help myself.
I've gotten hooked on reading the books by Kathy Reichs that inspired the Bones series on Fox. I love Bones, like, so much. I just think it's awesome to watch the science come together. Science is cool, and these books are just like Bones, obviously, because it inspired Bones, so naturally I love them too. I'm currently reading my fourth book of hers. I discovered that the first one I read was her tenth book and I was able to read it without going in order, but I hooked back to the first one and am determined to read the rest through in order just because I'm slightly OCD like that and it's fun to watch the character development and make connections, no matter how small since the characters plot line is way overshadowed by the actual science and thriller plot happening in the story. It's still fun. I love reading. I wish I could get kids to love reading like I do.
Sometimes reading through the science is difficult because I'm into the plotline and I don't have a science brain and just want the bottom line, but when I can make myself slow down and reread, it is neat to see how it all works.
I haven't written anything here for a while. My life has been pretty dull. I don't even differenciate between days when I wake up in the morning. Everything just seems off and it's like the movie Groundhog's Day. I need something new in the mornings or something. I need something new and fun to experience and look forward to.
I want a doughnut really bad right now, and part of me wants to go get one during my lunch break. Haha. Maple frosting with nuts. I've been craving sweet. Clearly. I wonder if WalMart will have that around lunch time. I could splurge and get a Subway 6in chicken breast sub while I'm there. They have them for $3 this month or something. YES! I'm doing it. I have a frozen Wheels n Cheese here too. So a sub and Wheels n Cheese and a doughnut. And the small apple I brought. What they hey, why not? I won't get dinner until late since I have a volleyball session after school and then Ruby's right after that. I'm sold.
I totally just went to Subway's website and realized they've just become my new best friend. I mean seriously. For $3 I can get a 16 oz Seattle's Best Coffee and a 6in breakfast sandwich. Why the heck have I not done this sooner??
Well now that that's established....I'll probably be spending my afternoon doing make up testing and flopping around the hallways looking for a classroom that could use an extra hand. As usual. That's just how it's been this week.
The instructions are very specific, and although I know the chance of needing anything more than the bolded words that are the only things I am allowed to speak is very slim, I still wanted to be very aware of what is expected and how I should proceed in the off chance that something goes goofy for one reason or another.
It's been a very slow week. I'm not allowed to say anything about the test, but I will say that it's been torture watching my fourth grader being forced to take the regular ISTEP test when her brain clearly doesn't process that way. She needs guidance and direction. She can do the work with help. But I'm not allowed to give it to her. I can't slow her down or guide her thinking. She's just off in her own little world, not really answering the questions, just pulling stuff out of thin air. It's been a nightmare.
The fifth grader had a death in the family, apparently. Rumor has it someone dies or is going to die soon right around ISTEP time just about every year. Legitimate death, fine, yes, stay home, but "Grandpa's going to die soon so he wants to take us to Disney on ISTEP week" doesn't cut it. So sympathy is hard to give, because we don't know exactly what's happening. He's not getting out of taking all of ISTEP though. We will pull him all day if we have to, within the limits of what is reasonable, of course.
Kal's been in Florida for golf all week, so I've been doing a lot of reading at night since I have no one to watch Bones with or watch build fun and crazy amusement parks on an old computer game.
I got to the point yesterday when I looked at my slip after checking out at the library when I began wondering if getting a Warsaw library card was a bad idea on my part. I now have eight books that are checked out in my name, I've returned one (which would have been nine), and I've finished two others. This has only been in the span of a couple weeks now. When I get reading, I read and read and read and read and read some more! Apparently I just can't help myself.
I've gotten hooked on reading the books by Kathy Reichs that inspired the Bones series on Fox. I love Bones, like, so much. I just think it's awesome to watch the science come together. Science is cool, and these books are just like Bones, obviously, because it inspired Bones, so naturally I love them too. I'm currently reading my fourth book of hers. I discovered that the first one I read was her tenth book and I was able to read it without going in order, but I hooked back to the first one and am determined to read the rest through in order just because I'm slightly OCD like that and it's fun to watch the character development and make connections, no matter how small since the characters plot line is way overshadowed by the actual science and thriller plot happening in the story. It's still fun. I love reading. I wish I could get kids to love reading like I do.
Sometimes reading through the science is difficult because I'm into the plotline and I don't have a science brain and just want the bottom line, but when I can make myself slow down and reread, it is neat to see how it all works.
I haven't written anything here for a while. My life has been pretty dull. I don't even differenciate between days when I wake up in the morning. Everything just seems off and it's like the movie Groundhog's Day. I need something new in the mornings or something. I need something new and fun to experience and look forward to.
I want a doughnut really bad right now, and part of me wants to go get one during my lunch break. Haha. Maple frosting with nuts. I've been craving sweet. Clearly. I wonder if WalMart will have that around lunch time. I could splurge and get a Subway 6in chicken breast sub while I'm there. They have them for $3 this month or something. YES! I'm doing it. I have a frozen Wheels n Cheese here too. So a sub and Wheels n Cheese and a doughnut. And the small apple I brought. What they hey, why not? I won't get dinner until late since I have a volleyball session after school and then Ruby's right after that. I'm sold.
I totally just went to Subway's website and realized they've just become my new best friend. I mean seriously. For $3 I can get a 16 oz Seattle's Best Coffee and a 6in breakfast sandwich. Why the heck have I not done this sooner??
Well now that that's established....I'll probably be spending my afternoon doing make up testing and flopping around the hallways looking for a classroom that could use an extra hand. As usual. That's just how it's been this week.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Difference
I don't want to sound premature, but I'm really excited about what happened yesterday. I've mentioned before how difficult it is for me to work with kids with emotional disabilities. I was not a special education major, so it's very hard. I typically get discouraged very easily and feel like I'm not making a difference or getting through in any way. Lately, the boy who's really been giving me grief has been slowly acting up more and more every day. He's been bringing cars in and playing with them and drawing cars and reading magazines about cars and not paying attention in math class. His smirk is infuriating. He's so difficult to figure out. You need him to do the work, but you can't seem to have him in class because he's beginning to draw the attention of the other kids.
Yesterday, the math teacher went to take the joke book he was reading away from him because he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing and he threw it at her. Great. He was sent out to the hallway and I had to follow him. I had no idea what I was going to do. So I asked him why he was upset and he said he didn't know. And I told him if he didn't know then there was no reason to be upset. He changed his mind and said he knew but he didn't want to talk about it. So I told him that if that was the case, we needed to do our math assignment. He took the small squares of paper from me and started flipping them carelessly into sorted piles and I asked him questions about why he chose to sort them the way he did. He claimed to not know but the more questions I asked, the closer I got to a direct answer. So I would state what I know he knows about that specific pile of polygons and move to the next one until we got all the way through.
The classroom teacher then pulled me inside and told me to take him for a walk and wind up in the office. Super. Now I was being assigned to make the angry boy even angrier. But I knew he had to go because of his actions. So I went back out and we talked some more polygons and he was starting to bang his head against the locker he was leaning up against. So I scooped up the pieces of paper from the floor and told he we needed to go for a walk?
"Why?"
"Because I think we need it. I don't need you banging you head against the locker. Do you want to talk to me?"
He started talking. I immediately felt like a traitor. He was finally, for the first time, opening up to me and telling me why he was angry. Some kid wasn't playing by the rules they had set in football at recess. We made it around to the office and I told him to wait in the hallway for just a moment. I asked the secretary quietly if Randy was in and she said he was off observing a teacher. I was off the hook! I picked up my angry child from the hallway and we kept walking. For all he knew, I just had a question for her.
He kept talking with little prompting from me.
The boy at recess not only didn't follow the rules, but he said a nasty cuss word at him. Yes, that would be enough to enrage him. I asked how he responded to the boy and he said he just walked away. I told him I was proud of his decision at that time. Did he tell anyone? No, he had not.
I told him that when something like that happens, he needs to tell whoever is in charge at that time so the situation can be dealt with. I told him I understand why he's angry, that I would be too, but is being angry helping the situation? No, he said.
"Who is your anger hurting right now? This boy from recess? Or you..."
"Just me."
I told him that the only thing we could do right now is to set this aside and do what we know needs to be done. We are still required to do what is expected of us. For now, we needed to sit down and work on math. I got his homework assignment from the classroom and we started to work. He was engaged in the activity and actively learning. He didn't tune me out or give me a cold or sarcastic attitude. Prof Cox peeked out in the hallway and could tell something was going on so she adjusted her lesson plans to accommodate my absence for the day.
When we had finished, there was only five minutes left in the class so we went back into the classroom and he sat quietly and read his joke book.
I was so happy I didn't have to drop him off in the principal's office. Instead, I got the chance to earn a little bit of his trust and build relationship. I don't expect this to carry on to today, but for one day, I felt as if I was making a difference for this boy. For one day he met with success and made progress in his learning.
That's why I'm here.
Yesterday, the math teacher went to take the joke book he was reading away from him because he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing and he threw it at her. Great. He was sent out to the hallway and I had to follow him. I had no idea what I was going to do. So I asked him why he was upset and he said he didn't know. And I told him if he didn't know then there was no reason to be upset. He changed his mind and said he knew but he didn't want to talk about it. So I told him that if that was the case, we needed to do our math assignment. He took the small squares of paper from me and started flipping them carelessly into sorted piles and I asked him questions about why he chose to sort them the way he did. He claimed to not know but the more questions I asked, the closer I got to a direct answer. So I would state what I know he knows about that specific pile of polygons and move to the next one until we got all the way through.
The classroom teacher then pulled me inside and told me to take him for a walk and wind up in the office. Super. Now I was being assigned to make the angry boy even angrier. But I knew he had to go because of his actions. So I went back out and we talked some more polygons and he was starting to bang his head against the locker he was leaning up against. So I scooped up the pieces of paper from the floor and told he we needed to go for a walk?
"Why?"
"Because I think we need it. I don't need you banging you head against the locker. Do you want to talk to me?"
He started talking. I immediately felt like a traitor. He was finally, for the first time, opening up to me and telling me why he was angry. Some kid wasn't playing by the rules they had set in football at recess. We made it around to the office and I told him to wait in the hallway for just a moment. I asked the secretary quietly if Randy was in and she said he was off observing a teacher. I was off the hook! I picked up my angry child from the hallway and we kept walking. For all he knew, I just had a question for her.
He kept talking with little prompting from me.
The boy at recess not only didn't follow the rules, but he said a nasty cuss word at him. Yes, that would be enough to enrage him. I asked how he responded to the boy and he said he just walked away. I told him I was proud of his decision at that time. Did he tell anyone? No, he had not.
I told him that when something like that happens, he needs to tell whoever is in charge at that time so the situation can be dealt with. I told him I understand why he's angry, that I would be too, but is being angry helping the situation? No, he said.
"Who is your anger hurting right now? This boy from recess? Or you..."
"Just me."
I told him that the only thing we could do right now is to set this aside and do what we know needs to be done. We are still required to do what is expected of us. For now, we needed to sit down and work on math. I got his homework assignment from the classroom and we started to work. He was engaged in the activity and actively learning. He didn't tune me out or give me a cold or sarcastic attitude. Prof Cox peeked out in the hallway and could tell something was going on so she adjusted her lesson plans to accommodate my absence for the day.
When we had finished, there was only five minutes left in the class so we went back into the classroom and he sat quietly and read his joke book.
I was so happy I didn't have to drop him off in the principal's office. Instead, I got the chance to earn a little bit of his trust and build relationship. I don't expect this to carry on to today, but for one day, I felt as if I was making a difference for this boy. For one day he met with success and made progress in his learning.
That's why I'm here.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
1...2...3...
Thursday night, after posting, I discovered yet another blow to my feeling of "stability". Now, not only have I face former roommate problems and car issues this week, but now, my computer will not work unless it is plugged into the wall. As soon as I unplug it, it turns off. Super!
I added this wonderful photo here because it was kind of how I felt. So here I am, after I had climbed out of my passenger door, resigning myself to another few months of doing so until it was warm enough that I had enough courage to try the drivers door again, and now my computer's beginning to commit suicide. Fantastic. But, I reasoned, problems do come in sets of three. So, after the Grace deal and the car deal, I began to think that this new setback was my third and final problem for the time being.
So now, I'm researching external hard drives and seeing what this thing is going to cost me. Right now, I think I'm deciding between a Toshiba or a Seagate. The warranty is better on the Toshiba and it's physically smaller and lighter but holds the same amount of data. It is a little more expensive though. But the Seagate reviews are either 5 starts are 1 star, there wasn't any in-between. At least the Toshiba had some variation and overall good reviews. I hate this stuff. I hate making expensive decisions. But it seems like those are the only decisions I make anymore. Growing up sucks.
Friday morning, though, I was awoken by a text message at 5:48 informing me that Warsaw Community Schools had declared a two hour delay! I was super excited to change my alarms. So I did start off with a pep in my step at 9:30 that morning. I had an extra two hours of sleep. It's amazing what that can do for your body and mind. I was singing and dancing around the kitchen while I was getting ready to leave. I laughed at myself when I had to climb in through the passenger side door to start my car, and I also laughed evilly at my computer when I unplugged it and it turned off. "Haha! Now you're completely dependent upon me!" Yeah, I may be going a little crazy.
The downside, of course, is I'll have two hours docked off my pay; but I believe the price is well worth it. Even though that money would be useful right now with all the problems I'm having, I'm alright with sacrificing for a couple extra hours of sleep on a Friday morning.
I spent Saturday cleaning and working and then on Sunday I got to meet Mom and Granny in Ft. Wayne! I was super excited to get to spend the day with them. I felt very blessed that they had gone out and gotten some groceries for me. I now have enough food to get me by for a little while before I'll need to make a trip to the store.
Towards the end of the day though, I had my fourth, yes, forth, unfortunate event for the week. My throat started getting sore. By the time I'd made it back to Warsaw, I was really feeling it and I'd gone raspy for sure. When I woke up Monday morning, I was feeling a little bit better, but throughout the rest of the day it only got progressively worse. I went out Sunday night and got ripped off by Walgreens for cough drops and tissues, but I still feel very unprepared. I have plenty of tea, because I'm a tea and coffee freak, but I must admit, the green tea with honey is not my favorite. It just makes my brain say "HA! You're sick!"
Last night, Kal told me I need to just go to bed after work. I figured I'd probably just sit there and knit and drink lots of water and hot drinks. Broccoli and Velveeta soup sound really yummy too. Winner! I would need to go get some butter though. Thought then that I would make a pit stop at WalMart on my way to Ruby's. Then I had hit number five.
After school, when I went out to start my car....dead. I had left my lights on. I never leave my lights on. I always double and triple check so that this doesn't happen to me. But I'd been in such a rush to get inside since the roads were worse than I had expected and I was a few minutes late, that I had neglected to check. I called Ruby's and let them know what had happened and went back inside to hunt down someone who could jump me. Ten minutes later, I was hooked up to one of the custodians' little truck and we waited. And waited. And waited. It took us almost twenty minutes to charge up my huge battery in the deep freezer we call home here in Indiana.
I let it run for a few minutes before I took the fifteen minute drive to Ruby's, then let it sit another five minutes before I shut it off and went inside. I haven't had any trouble starting it since then, which is fortunate. I just have to make sure I don't do this to her again.
Since problems come in threes, I probably have a sixth one coming at me soon. I just hope sick me will be able to keep up. I need a little bottle of hand sanitizer. There's one on the host stand at Ruby's I carried around with me like life support last night, but I need one to have here at school too. I don't want to be getting other kiddos sick, no matter how much they may deserve it.
Well, I wasn't able to get anyone to take my shift at Ruby's tonight, so here I go. I got some strong medication from the school nurse and I'm ready to roll. With my luck, I'll sneeze on someones meal and get fired. Number six...here I come....
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Finding "Full"
This week has started off as extremely trying. I was expecting to have a day off on Sunday from working at Ruby's, but Saturday night, one of the other hostesses called and said she couldn't find a babysitter for the Sunday afternoon shift. I decided to be the nice person and take the shift, even though it stressed me out so much I wanted to cry. Right after I hung up the phone, one of the servers came by and informed me there was a winter weather advisory for Sunday night. We hardly had any business, so at least I got to go home earlier than usual. The manager wanted to make sure I made it back safely too.
After a bland, exhausting Monday, I came home from Ruby's to find that KimKim's room was completely empty. She had picked up and moved. I looked around the house for some sort of note or explanation, but there was nothing. She left completely without notice. We had a rommie meeting when Tiffany and Courtney got back a little after that. I was sitting knitting contently, excited to start my newest project. We discussed the matter and Tiffany said they caught her on her way out earlier that day. If they wouldn't have seen her, we all would have had my same experience. She reported that KimKim was very vague and acting very suspiciously about her "sudden" decision. We believe she didn't want roommates and everything else she said was just an excuse. I knew KimKim had problems with Tiffany (like I had), but apparently she wasn't able to tough it out, learn and grow. So she was gone, and there was nothing we could do about it. Rent checks needed to be on the fridge in a couple of days and we needed a plan of attack.
When KimKim had moved in, the attorney, Marc, had said that he's not sure if Kurt would withdraw his offer of a lowered overall rent ($750 instead of $875) as a result of the Grace situation or not. We weren't counting on it. So when Tiffany texted me on Tuesday morning while I was a school and told me that as of now, we were going to need to have a check for over $290 prepared for rent collection, I was none to happy. I asked if we could have Grace pay it, and she informed me that she never responds to either her or Courtney. Since I didn't have a relationship with Grace, I didn't have issue with being direct about the issue. Long story short, after my messages, Grace responded. To all of us. We had another roomie meeting that night and talked things over so we were all on the same page. Tiffany was grateful I had taken action; she didn't think she could have said what needed to be said because Grace was her friend. Courtney didn't even want to know what happened, she just wanted to fix the issue now that we had Grace's attention.
After a bland, exhausting Monday, I came home from Ruby's to find that KimKim's room was completely empty. She had picked up and moved. I looked around the house for some sort of note or explanation, but there was nothing. She left completely without notice. We had a rommie meeting when Tiffany and Courtney got back a little after that. I was sitting knitting contently, excited to start my newest project. We discussed the matter and Tiffany said they caught her on her way out earlier that day. If they wouldn't have seen her, we all would have had my same experience. She reported that KimKim was very vague and acting very suspiciously about her "sudden" decision. We believe she didn't want roommates and everything else she said was just an excuse. I knew KimKim had problems with Tiffany (like I had), but apparently she wasn't able to tough it out, learn and grow. So she was gone, and there was nothing we could do about it. Rent checks needed to be on the fridge in a couple of days and we needed a plan of attack.
When KimKim had moved in, the attorney, Marc, had said that he's not sure if Kurt would withdraw his offer of a lowered overall rent ($750 instead of $875) as a result of the Grace situation or not. We weren't counting on it. So when Tiffany texted me on Tuesday morning while I was a school and told me that as of now, we were going to need to have a check for over $290 prepared for rent collection, I was none to happy. I asked if we could have Grace pay it, and she informed me that she never responds to either her or Courtney. Since I didn't have a relationship with Grace, I didn't have issue with being direct about the issue. Long story short, after my messages, Grace responded. To all of us. We had another roomie meeting that night and talked things over so we were all on the same page. Tiffany was grateful I had taken action; she didn't think she could have said what needed to be said because Grace was her friend. Courtney didn't even want to know what happened, she just wanted to fix the issue now that we had Grace's attention.
Meanwhile, I am currently trying to further educate myself in the world of knitting. I am intrigued by the idea of selling my creations, and figured I would begin learning how to create cup cozies, or mug sweaters. They're super cute, but I'm stumped by the pattern's directions of creating the ribbed look at the top. I've had the hardest time discerning the difference between "knitting" and "purling", because when I look at how-to's online, they look exactly the same! The pictures of "purled" yarn looks just like that of "knitted" yarn! I can feel the conflict in my brain; I can feel my thoughts coming to and end, like they're hitting a wall. My thoughts are being beaten and bruised! However, I have finally come to a conclusion. They must simply be the same movements, going in opposite directions.
I was super excited to get home last night and give it a shot. So I picked up my needles and knit (sticking the needle through the stitch pointing away from me) and purled (sticking the needle through the stitch pointing at me) all the way down the row. Success! I could see the backwards/forwards, in/out pattern beginning to form. However, when I got to the second row, I knew I had to knit where I'd purled and purl where I'd knitted because now it was all facing the other direction. Between trying to keep that straight and seeing the crisscross on the needle that I'm not used to seeing and not being able to discern which was a stitch and which was not, I got so frustrated and lost and tight that I couldn't find a stitch or pick it up when I could find it. The entire thing was turning into a mess, and I got so mad, I yanked my needles out and decided I was going to pull it out down to the knit section again, stick the needles in and start over. But as I was trying to get the chosen row back on the needle, a stitch was too small to grab and it fell through. That was it. I grabbed the yarn and unraveled the whole thing, tossed it to the side, and threw myself back on the bed.
This was the exact moment Kal came over to pick me up for dinner. Bless his heart, he sat there with me and listened to my woes. At least that was the worst part to my yesterday. Then, I got a text from Courtney late last night concerning the Grace situation. They had all met up at Starbucks (Grace did not invite me, coward), and discussed the matter. When they got home, Kal was over, so Courtney just sent me a text. She said she would explain later, but I should just plan on writing a $219 check for rent in the morning.
After Kal left, I asked her what happened. The basics are that Grace does not feel responsible to fulfill the lease since KimKim had moved in and paid for a month. My problem with that is KimKim never signed anything. So the lease is still under Grace's signature. But whatever. Courtney and Tiffany are just done messing with it and they know I can't afford an extra $80 a month. Kurt is allowing us to pay only an extra $90 between us, so they chose to split it between the two of them and round me up to the nearest dollar amount. I made sure she knew I didn't want to stick that on them and I could make it work, but they insisted that this was better for everyone.
This morning though, I completely forgot to put the check on the fridge as the result of a whole new problem. It was difficult to get out of bed in the first place, so I was already dragging. I noticed there was a layer of snow covering the world and realized I was going to have to head out early to start my car or poor Libby wouldn't want to budge.So I went out ten minutes earlier than usual, went to unlock my car...and I couldn't even get the key in. The car was so frozen, I couldn't even get the key into the lock. I usually only have trouble jiggling it enough to get it to break free, but this I had never encountered. I called Leesburg and let them know I was going to be a few minutes late, so I didn't get the crazy eyes from Krista again. I texted Dad and Kal and eventually concluded that hot water was my best option. I filled up my watering jug for my gerber daisies and poured a little bit over the handle and lock, following it up with a dry towel. I didn't want to be counterproductive. I got the handle free fairly easily after only a few seconds, but I had to work for a few minutes on the lock since I couldn't get the water in the hole directly. When I finally got my key in, I had to jiggle and jiggle and jiggle for several minutes before I finally felt it start to give. Once I had it going a little bit, the rest of it soon followed. Libby sure put up a fight when I tried to turn over the ignition, but she eventually complied. I let her run for ten minutes before I made her drive anywhere.
When I got to school, I realized I had forgotten the check and had to drive all the way back home to deliver it to Tiffany and Courtney who needed to make the deposit today. It has to be processed by the first. So I spent my lunch break driving back into Warsaw and then back to Leesburg. Super. That was four dollars in gas, right there. Plus, some more frustrations because I had to fight to get into my car again.
Some highlights for the week so far however are that I was actually able to put some money into savings after I did all my budgeting. Sure, I had to go spend it on gas later, but I still felt good about myself for a moment. Also, Randy asked me today if I would be willing to start a volleyball club or run a clinic for girls who would like to participate and learn more about the sport. I was so excited! He said I have so much talent and it seems a crime that it's not being put to good use. If I can't fit a day into my schedule from 4-5 after school, then he would like me to give lessons to his daughter and he'd pay me $20 an hour. As good as the money sounds, the clinic would just be super fun! So I'll have to think about how I'm going to do that. Being able to put in my resume that I started and directed a school club is just a flat out good idea.
However, just like all things awesome, life threw something totally not awesome at me to follow it up. After BYC, I spent 20 minutes trying to get into my car before I finally called Mom in tears. I went back inside and Kal agreed to come get me. I decided to try hot water again, and on my way down the hall, the ESL teacher, Amber, caught me and asked what was going on. I explained, near tears again from my stress and frustration. She had actually de-froze someone else's car just a few days ago. We filled three gallon buckets with water and marched outside. The first we poured all around the door, and the rest directly on the seam by the lock. It worked. I got in and drove off to meet my friend Emily from Ruby's for coffee at Courthouse.
When I got there, I had the opposite problem I had been having. Instead of not being able to open my car door, I now couldn't close it. Go figure. I had no idea what I was going to do. I can't not have my car. Losing other things like my computer or my cell phone would certainly suck, but to lose my car? Oh no. That's an unbearable thought. My life depends on that vehicle. I have to work to survive. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, as much as I hate it. I struggle to break even every month. I can't not have a way to get to work everyday.
Emily pulled up beside me as I was banging at my door, trying to close it, trying even harder to not cry. It was so cold though, that I just stuck my computer in the trunk and left it as is. No one was going to try to steal a broken car. At least that was my thought. I texted Kal and told him about my newest predicament and he asked me what I wanted him to do for me. I told him I had no idea, but asked if he could come pick me up after me and Emily were finished. He called and asked where my car was and if it was just sitting out there, and I confirmed it. Bless his heart, he came out right then and there. I was expecting him to say something, but the next I heard from him, he called and told me he'd gotten it to close because "I'm just that good", and had left the passenger door unlocked for me to get into the car. I ran out in the cold without my coat to catch him before he left to kiss him because he's just the most wonderful thing ever.
So now, I have to climb in and out of my passenger side door and leave it unlocked (I don't have a keyhole on that side). Fantastic. But you know what? My car runs. The door is shut and I can drive it. She will still get me to work. It may be ghetto, but I get there.
I am being challenged in my soul by something I had never expected. I have faced a lot as I've ventured out on my own to begin my own life. My attitude when I wake up in the morning is simply to put on the coffee because it's going to be another crappy day. How am I going to make it until I get home again...? I don't want it to be that way, it bothers me. My mind was troubled over starting the day with coffee to sustain me. Coffee to de-stress. I called mom last night and talked to her about feeling like I needed to give up coffee for a while, trying to force myself to search for fulfillment in other places.
Her response was that maybe I didn't need to give it up completely. Instead, I should pray over my empty cup and ask God to fill it. Pray for the strength and power to keep on moving forward. If I still need a cup of coffee, I should have one, but only after I have gone to the right source of strength and fulfillment.
Although this week has been extremely difficult and exhausting, Prof Cox mentioned to me today that I seemed as if I had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah. God's gonna fill my cup. And He'll be faithful to fill it til it overflows.
I was super excited to get home last night and give it a shot. So I picked up my needles and knit (sticking the needle through the stitch pointing away from me) and purled (sticking the needle through the stitch pointing at me) all the way down the row. Success! I could see the backwards/forwards, in/out pattern beginning to form. However, when I got to the second row, I knew I had to knit where I'd purled and purl where I'd knitted because now it was all facing the other direction. Between trying to keep that straight and seeing the crisscross on the needle that I'm not used to seeing and not being able to discern which was a stitch and which was not, I got so frustrated and lost and tight that I couldn't find a stitch or pick it up when I could find it. The entire thing was turning into a mess, and I got so mad, I yanked my needles out and decided I was going to pull it out down to the knit section again, stick the needles in and start over. But as I was trying to get the chosen row back on the needle, a stitch was too small to grab and it fell through. That was it. I grabbed the yarn and unraveled the whole thing, tossed it to the side, and threw myself back on the bed.
This was the exact moment Kal came over to pick me up for dinner. Bless his heart, he sat there with me and listened to my woes. At least that was the worst part to my yesterday. Then, I got a text from Courtney late last night concerning the Grace situation. They had all met up at Starbucks (Grace did not invite me, coward), and discussed the matter. When they got home, Kal was over, so Courtney just sent me a text. She said she would explain later, but I should just plan on writing a $219 check for rent in the morning.
After Kal left, I asked her what happened. The basics are that Grace does not feel responsible to fulfill the lease since KimKim had moved in and paid for a month. My problem with that is KimKim never signed anything. So the lease is still under Grace's signature. But whatever. Courtney and Tiffany are just done messing with it and they know I can't afford an extra $80 a month. Kurt is allowing us to pay only an extra $90 between us, so they chose to split it between the two of them and round me up to the nearest dollar amount. I made sure she knew I didn't want to stick that on them and I could make it work, but they insisted that this was better for everyone.
This morning though, I completely forgot to put the check on the fridge as the result of a whole new problem. It was difficult to get out of bed in the first place, so I was already dragging. I noticed there was a layer of snow covering the world and realized I was going to have to head out early to start my car or poor Libby wouldn't want to budge.So I went out ten minutes earlier than usual, went to unlock my car...and I couldn't even get the key in. The car was so frozen, I couldn't even get the key into the lock. I usually only have trouble jiggling it enough to get it to break free, but this I had never encountered. I called Leesburg and let them know I was going to be a few minutes late, so I didn't get the crazy eyes from Krista again. I texted Dad and Kal and eventually concluded that hot water was my best option. I filled up my watering jug for my gerber daisies and poured a little bit over the handle and lock, following it up with a dry towel. I didn't want to be counterproductive. I got the handle free fairly easily after only a few seconds, but I had to work for a few minutes on the lock since I couldn't get the water in the hole directly. When I finally got my key in, I had to jiggle and jiggle and jiggle for several minutes before I finally felt it start to give. Once I had it going a little bit, the rest of it soon followed. Libby sure put up a fight when I tried to turn over the ignition, but she eventually complied. I let her run for ten minutes before I made her drive anywhere.
When I got to school, I realized I had forgotten the check and had to drive all the way back home to deliver it to Tiffany and Courtney who needed to make the deposit today. It has to be processed by the first. So I spent my lunch break driving back into Warsaw and then back to Leesburg. Super. That was four dollars in gas, right there. Plus, some more frustrations because I had to fight to get into my car again.
Some highlights for the week so far however are that I was actually able to put some money into savings after I did all my budgeting. Sure, I had to go spend it on gas later, but I still felt good about myself for a moment. Also, Randy asked me today if I would be willing to start a volleyball club or run a clinic for girls who would like to participate and learn more about the sport. I was so excited! He said I have so much talent and it seems a crime that it's not being put to good use. If I can't fit a day into my schedule from 4-5 after school, then he would like me to give lessons to his daughter and he'd pay me $20 an hour. As good as the money sounds, the clinic would just be super fun! So I'll have to think about how I'm going to do that. Being able to put in my resume that I started and directed a school club is just a flat out good idea.
However, just like all things awesome, life threw something totally not awesome at me to follow it up. After BYC, I spent 20 minutes trying to get into my car before I finally called Mom in tears. I went back inside and Kal agreed to come get me. I decided to try hot water again, and on my way down the hall, the ESL teacher, Amber, caught me and asked what was going on. I explained, near tears again from my stress and frustration. She had actually de-froze someone else's car just a few days ago. We filled three gallon buckets with water and marched outside. The first we poured all around the door, and the rest directly on the seam by the lock. It worked. I got in and drove off to meet my friend Emily from Ruby's for coffee at Courthouse.
When I got there, I had the opposite problem I had been having. Instead of not being able to open my car door, I now couldn't close it. Go figure. I had no idea what I was going to do. I can't not have my car. Losing other things like my computer or my cell phone would certainly suck, but to lose my car? Oh no. That's an unbearable thought. My life depends on that vehicle. I have to work to survive. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, as much as I hate it. I struggle to break even every month. I can't not have a way to get to work everyday.
Emily pulled up beside me as I was banging at my door, trying to close it, trying even harder to not cry. It was so cold though, that I just stuck my computer in the trunk and left it as is. No one was going to try to steal a broken car. At least that was my thought. I texted Kal and told him about my newest predicament and he asked me what I wanted him to do for me. I told him I had no idea, but asked if he could come pick me up after me and Emily were finished. He called and asked where my car was and if it was just sitting out there, and I confirmed it. Bless his heart, he came out right then and there. I was expecting him to say something, but the next I heard from him, he called and told me he'd gotten it to close because "I'm just that good", and had left the passenger door unlocked for me to get into the car. I ran out in the cold without my coat to catch him before he left to kiss him because he's just the most wonderful thing ever.
So now, I have to climb in and out of my passenger side door and leave it unlocked (I don't have a keyhole on that side). Fantastic. But you know what? My car runs. The door is shut and I can drive it. She will still get me to work. It may be ghetto, but I get there.
I am being challenged in my soul by something I had never expected. I have faced a lot as I've ventured out on my own to begin my own life. My attitude when I wake up in the morning is simply to put on the coffee because it's going to be another crappy day. How am I going to make it until I get home again...? I don't want it to be that way, it bothers me. My mind was troubled over starting the day with coffee to sustain me. Coffee to de-stress. I called mom last night and talked to her about feeling like I needed to give up coffee for a while, trying to force myself to search for fulfillment in other places.
Her response was that maybe I didn't need to give it up completely. Instead, I should pray over my empty cup and ask God to fill it. Pray for the strength and power to keep on moving forward. If I still need a cup of coffee, I should have one, but only after I have gone to the right source of strength and fulfillment.
Although this week has been extremely difficult and exhausting, Prof Cox mentioned to me today that I seemed as if I had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah. God's gonna fill my cup. And He'll be faithful to fill it til it overflows.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
I Have A Dream!
Yeah, the title is a few days late, but who the heck cares! I have a dream! And I wanna be a teacher! For the last few days, I have been way too excited about collecting possibilities and freebies and activities off teacherspayteachers.com (TpT). It's getting pretty bad. My poor computer is old and getting slow and yet I'm still stocking it full of goodies! I can't help but think about the way my classroom would look like, what I want it to be like.
After watching my favorite fifth grade teacher very closely the last few weeks, I've gotten a very good idea of how I want my classroom to look and run. Between her and the TpT ideas, I'm ready to go! Randy also gave me a book on how an effective teacher starts the school year. I will be taking very good notes. I want to be ready to go in the fall. I want to know exactly what I can tell a principal about how I imagine my classroom being.
Today while my students were reading the assignment during Reading Groups and finding character traits of the two boys in the story, I drew one of them from the cover of the book. I copied it, yes, but I didn't trace it. I was really impressed with how it turned out, so I wanted to share it with you :) I put it in one of my polka dot frames again :) Why not? This is The Polka Dot Notebook!
It looks like this book's purpose is to transform my thinking to keep me strong, effective, and in control; sort of like a teacher self-help book, as lame as that sounds. But if it helps me out, I'll take it.
Ruby's was interesting last night. We're training another hostess so there were four of us to start with and then he sent Jeff home super early, and he wasn't even supposed to be cut first. it was so messed up. Then, he whittled it down to just me by 8:15 and I was there til 10:30. We had this huge party come in who had reserved half of our bar area. The lady who called a few weeks ago caused us pain about it. She said there was going to be up to 25 people. That is not a definite number! And we weren't allowed to set the tables end to end around the restaurant because then "the people on either side of the table won't be able to talk to each other"....are you serious?? Then, it gets even better. Because this all came after we told her we didn't have a party room. So she decides to make her own. She reserved the bar for 25 people. We reserved all our booths and the big round table and had it all set up for 25 people. They all start showing up 25 minutes early. Fortunately, it wasn't a busy night and we were able to accommodate. But then, remember, they had only reserved half of our tables. The other ones were up for grabs. There was a party of three that wanted to sit at one of the tables, so they did. Then, not 25, but 35 people from this Newcomers Club decide to show up. So they just take our last two tables, push them together, and seat themselves. When the poor people who were surrounded by these idiots left, they took their table too! To top it all off, no one sat down for about an hour. They all just wandered around like we were some cocktail party hosts and ordered drinks from the bar and socialized. Our bar is set up by seats at the bar. They can't open an unlimited number of tabs. So these 35+ people were inconveniencing everyone. No one could sit in the bar on a Friday night because of them, they were loud and obnoxious, giving everyone a headache, and I couldn't hear to take to-go orders when I answered the phone. I felt like I was shouting. It was awful! Then, as the icing on the cake, after this party had slowed everything down since we didn't have enough free tables to cut at the pace we usually do, the manager cut the busser when we had five dirty tables in the dining room, and then shortly after, the Newcomer's Club bails and leaves a HUGE mess behind them. The cocktail servers were peeved that they had to clean up the mess and still tip out to a busser. So I told them not to worry about it. I cleaned the whole thing and set it all up again. I tackled the tables in the dining room too, removing all the dirty dishes and asked the server whose tables they were if he could please just wipe them down and put silverware on them. After I had finished the bar, he'd done nothing. Absolutely NOTHING! So I wiped the tables down , asked him to put silverware on them and finished up the rest of my job as well as a side job from the manager and still, there was no silverware on the tables. If tables aren't ready and available, no one gets cut. What the heck could possibly be keeping him from doing a thirty second job? So I did that too. Then, one of the cocktail servers came to me and told me that she had told the manger to make sure any tip out for bussing after the busser was cut goes directly to me. She said it only seems fair with all the work I did. So by 10:30, an hour after I would usually leave, I was finally able to go home.
I then came home and did all the dishes here at home. Because they were piling up since there was nowhere to put dirty dishes because my roommates did not put their clean and dried ones away. So I had to do all that too and finish all their dishes. It took me half an hour to do it all. I was simultaneously making Kal his Pizza Rolls and by the time I got them back to him, they were not oven hot anymore, but at least edible. He didn't mind. He's a boy, and they were food. When I went back to clean up the Pizza Roll mess, and he realized where I'd gone, he made me go back to my room and change into sweats, since I hadn't even taken the time to do that yet, and washed everything up for me. What a sweetheart. Then, I woke up early this morning to go to Bible Study with Michalski, but then when I texted her and asked if she was going to come pick me up, she said we weren't meeting because four of the girls weren't going to be able to make it. I need to get in on that email loop I guess. Ah well.
I was already up, so I made some coffee, did some reading, and now I'm typing this up. If I were a teacher teacher, I would probably be in my classroom doing work and making lesson plans for next week. As it is, I just follow what everyone else plans on Saturdays. Ha! I'm ahead of myself in planning for Reading Groups, so I really have nothing to do for school. Hopefully I'll get some rest today then since it's only 10:30 and I don't have to work until six. I even have Sunday off of work, which is very unusual. I got next Sunday off too, which has never happened. So that will be nice.
Well, I'm going to do some more reading and relaxing. TTFN!
After watching my favorite fifth grade teacher very closely the last few weeks, I've gotten a very good idea of how I want my classroom to look and run. Between her and the TpT ideas, I'm ready to go! Randy also gave me a book on how an effective teacher starts the school year. I will be taking very good notes. I want to be ready to go in the fall. I want to know exactly what I can tell a principal about how I imagine my classroom being.
Today while my students were reading the assignment during Reading Groups and finding character traits of the two boys in the story, I drew one of them from the cover of the book. I copied it, yes, but I didn't trace it. I was really impressed with how it turned out, so I wanted to share it with you :) I put it in one of my polka dot frames again :) Why not? This is The Polka Dot Notebook!
As I have already stated, I am pretty happy with myself. He also embodies how I often feel from day to day. Maybe that's why we connected, me and lil Peter Hatcher. It's so easy to get discouraged doing this job, especially when I feel under-appreciated and inadequate. There's a lot that drags me down on a daily basis. I try to look on the bright side, but the bright side isn't always looking on me.
I have begun to accumulate a lot of good ideas that I would love to implement in a classroom, and I have an ongoing project of collecting research articles and notes from books I've studied this year into one notebook. I'm still trying to figure out how I want it to be organized in the end, so it basically looks like a giant rough draft. But I love to learn, and I want to keep track of my learning. I love being a student too. I guess this is a good thing because I'm being piled up with a lot of books.
This led me to pick up an inspirational book from Randy's collection that I am hoping with help me stay inspired to teach, and help me remember why I'm here and what my purpose is. The very first thing I learned was in the first chapter. I learned about BEEP. Focusing on BEEP at the beginning of every day can change my outlook from the start. My attitude will effect my success and my effectiveness. I was so inspired in fact, that I created this poster to pin up in my room to remind me every day before I leave the house to keep things in check. I wanted to share this with you as well:
Ruby's was interesting last night. We're training another hostess so there were four of us to start with and then he sent Jeff home super early, and he wasn't even supposed to be cut first. it was so messed up. Then, he whittled it down to just me by 8:15 and I was there til 10:30. We had this huge party come in who had reserved half of our bar area. The lady who called a few weeks ago caused us pain about it. She said there was going to be up to 25 people. That is not a definite number! And we weren't allowed to set the tables end to end around the restaurant because then "the people on either side of the table won't be able to talk to each other"....are you serious?? Then, it gets even better. Because this all came after we told her we didn't have a party room. So she decides to make her own. She reserved the bar for 25 people. We reserved all our booths and the big round table and had it all set up for 25 people. They all start showing up 25 minutes early. Fortunately, it wasn't a busy night and we were able to accommodate. But then, remember, they had only reserved half of our tables. The other ones were up for grabs. There was a party of three that wanted to sit at one of the tables, so they did. Then, not 25, but 35 people from this Newcomers Club decide to show up. So they just take our last two tables, push them together, and seat themselves. When the poor people who were surrounded by these idiots left, they took their table too! To top it all off, no one sat down for about an hour. They all just wandered around like we were some cocktail party hosts and ordered drinks from the bar and socialized. Our bar is set up by seats at the bar. They can't open an unlimited number of tabs. So these 35+ people were inconveniencing everyone. No one could sit in the bar on a Friday night because of them, they were loud and obnoxious, giving everyone a headache, and I couldn't hear to take to-go orders when I answered the phone. I felt like I was shouting. It was awful! Then, as the icing on the cake, after this party had slowed everything down since we didn't have enough free tables to cut at the pace we usually do, the manager cut the busser when we had five dirty tables in the dining room, and then shortly after, the Newcomer's Club bails and leaves a HUGE mess behind them. The cocktail servers were peeved that they had to clean up the mess and still tip out to a busser. So I told them not to worry about it. I cleaned the whole thing and set it all up again. I tackled the tables in the dining room too, removing all the dirty dishes and asked the server whose tables they were if he could please just wipe them down and put silverware on them. After I had finished the bar, he'd done nothing. Absolutely NOTHING! So I wiped the tables down , asked him to put silverware on them and finished up the rest of my job as well as a side job from the manager and still, there was no silverware on the tables. If tables aren't ready and available, no one gets cut. What the heck could possibly be keeping him from doing a thirty second job? So I did that too. Then, one of the cocktail servers came to me and told me that she had told the manger to make sure any tip out for bussing after the busser was cut goes directly to me. She said it only seems fair with all the work I did. So by 10:30, an hour after I would usually leave, I was finally able to go home.
I then came home and did all the dishes here at home. Because they were piling up since there was nowhere to put dirty dishes because my roommates did not put their clean and dried ones away. So I had to do all that too and finish all their dishes. It took me half an hour to do it all. I was simultaneously making Kal his Pizza Rolls and by the time I got them back to him, they were not oven hot anymore, but at least edible. He didn't mind. He's a boy, and they were food. When I went back to clean up the Pizza Roll mess, and he realized where I'd gone, he made me go back to my room and change into sweats, since I hadn't even taken the time to do that yet, and washed everything up for me. What a sweetheart. Then, I woke up early this morning to go to Bible Study with Michalski, but then when I texted her and asked if she was going to come pick me up, she said we weren't meeting because four of the girls weren't going to be able to make it. I need to get in on that email loop I guess. Ah well.
I was already up, so I made some coffee, did some reading, and now I'm typing this up. If I were a teacher teacher, I would probably be in my classroom doing work and making lesson plans for next week. As it is, I just follow what everyone else plans on Saturdays. Ha! I'm ahead of myself in planning for Reading Groups, so I really have nothing to do for school. Hopefully I'll get some rest today then since it's only 10:30 and I don't have to work until six. I even have Sunday off of work, which is very unusual. I got next Sunday off too, which has never happened. So that will be nice.
Well, I'm going to do some more reading and relaxing. TTFN!
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